The Vision

2010-05-04T21:19:00.002-06:00

you make me complete

you make me completely miserable

why do I feel, the way that I do

high school party, I don't fit in

thinking of you

I can never win

it's better that I never see you

will I ever see you again?

I'm not getting through

will I ever get in?

I love the things we used to do

They make me happy

thinking of you

you and me

Magic

2007-04-16T09:54:00.001-06:00

This feeling's like magic
So nervous I can't eat
I'm turning around
I don't know what I'll find
But I'm finally looking back,
or maybe this way is forward
but north is always north
right is always right.
I can't turn down what I asked for in the first place
but I can turn in place
I'm magic, floating across the stage
Everybody's watching me
And I can't eat
I can't breathe unless it's fast
I can't move unless it's slow
I don't know how to act or what to say
I just turn around
Don't even lift my feet
Just turn around
Like magic

lights down

2007-02-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

If you let something go
To fly away
You never know
You never Say
How many words
It could ever take

To cure this feeling
that I know is right
Ensure my being
is fight or flight
A knife in my heart
Will say the same
as she said through her tears
pronounced my name

I know there's a chance
Reconciliation in the future
I pray and I hope
That she'll let me see her

Chapters end and smoke disappears
but never forget what we had here...

pudding head

2006-01-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

I bought some pudding...and I've come to a very important conclusion: It's ok to eat pudding with a fork. It's ok to eat pudding with a fork because the pudding doesn't go through the tines of the fork. You don't need a spoon. You can eat it with a fork.

Cubanos?

2006-01-23T10:40:00.000-07:00

So my boy Crazy Eric and I recently got ahold of some genuine Cuban Romeo Y Julieta cigars from an unnamed accomplice. We pulled my futon into the garage, turned on the dryer (for heat) and smoked for 3 hours straight. Needless to say, we were a little tipsy after that endeavor, but it was incredible. Never have I tasted such complexity and natural deliciousness as that night. It was an amazing experience. When I closed my eyes, I felt like I was actually there, I was actually in Havana...

Now I know there are Cuban Cigars in Heaven.

Arm Spasm

2005-12-29T15:11:00.000-07:00

My arm is spasming like crazy...I don't know why. In other news, I love tobacco. I have tried every kind of tobacco now: Cigars, Cigarettes, Pipe Tobacco, Chew, Dip, and Nasal Snuff. It's good stuff. I think I'm going to work for the tobacco industry when I grow up. Anyway, if you ever get a chance to try snuff, do it. It's an interesting experience to say the least.

I just got back from Colorado. It wasn't very cold but it was cool...get it? Anyway, I had a good time. I got back just in time to hang out with the Captain, Crazy Eric, Dick and Jane. Dick and I are also embarking on our new business venture soon. My last solo operation failed miserably...or "is failing" I was making cigarettes, but they were more expensive in terms of labor cost than I could sell them for. It was fun though. Anyway, this is just a little update on my life for today...just because I felt like it.

Table Resignation

2005-12-19T11:31:00.000-07:00

So many things I cant let go of but still haunt me.
So many places reach out to me when I drive by.
There's a fire behind those eyes I see in the reflection.
The storefront window.
The one with the lights.
That's all I see - lights, lights, lights, skys that are no longer blue and orange.
Grass that's no longer green.
As many times as I try, I fail.
And one more time after that.
All I hear is the piano in my head, the devil on my shoulder - whispering things to me.
Am I good or bad?

Ghosts of You

2005-12-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

I hear your voice all the time
Selling, Telling, Screaming and Pleading
I see ghosts of you
And you're not even gone yet
Makaveli Spoke Blasphemy and I can't think of anything else
In the Name of the Lord
In the Name of the Lord
In vain...what does that mean?
Blasphemer
Heretic
Kneeling down, I still see ghosts of you
closing my eyes, I still hear voices of you, recordings of things you've said in the past.
pray
In the name of the Lord
In the name of the Lord
I can see through you. I can see things behind you even when you're in front of me.
Ghosts of you and you're not even gone.

Patience

2005-10-24T08:48:00.000-06:00

Guns N' Roses told us that all we need is a little patience. I've found that this is true and can be applied to everyday life. My life is so hectic and fast paced that I never really have to wait for anything to happen because something always does. But on those rare occasions where I do have to actually wait for something, I find that I have very little patience. I attribute this to the fact that I never have to wait for anything. Everything is fast: school, food, sleep, work. Everything goes by in a flash, and I'm still so impatient when things don't move so quickly. The question that all this begs is: Do I really want my life to fly by so fast? Maybe I should appreciate and cherish those moments that I find myself waiting for something, because it's a rarity that might not be so common in the rest of my life. Steppenwolf told us that we were "born to be wild" and I don't disagree, but those little moments of calm that we experience from time to time shouldn't be a source of anxiety, but a calming moment of relaxation.

Sandals with Socks

2005-10-11T07:59:00.000-06:00

Dammit. I hate sandals with socks. People that put socks on, then decide to wear sandals...what are you thinking? Don't socks defeat the purpose of sandals in the first place? Aren't sandals the "freedom of the feet?" What the hell. I hate sandals with socks.

I got the job at Best Buy. I had to take a drug test though. Peed in a cup, that was fun. I never thought it would be like that. I never thought I would get to hold my own urine...and feel it's warmth. but it was nice.

So I got that goin for me.

Captain is comin down from ABQ this weekend...and you know that means something is going to happen. We don't know what yet...but it's somethin. I can tell you what it's not though: It's not SANDALS WITH SOCKS!!!!!!

So I took a vacation...

2005-10-04T22:11:00.000-06:00

OK, I know I've been gone for a while...but I'm back (for now) this is no commitment, actually it probably means nothing. But don't be concerned with all that, just sit back and enjoy the melodies:

I just saw The 40 Year Old Virgin, it was HILARIOUS!!! I'm tellin you, it was laugh out loud funny - THE WHOLE TIME. I'm so serious. I loved it, that's definitely a buyer. I'm so getting that one. ALSO:

Bully, Rockstar Games next release, comes out next Wednesday, I'm definitely going to be playing that next weekend. Also, the Warriors comes out in 2 weeks. It's a Rockstar adaptation of the Paramount Film of the same name from 1979. If you've never seen The Warriors, which is highly likely considering it's relative UNpopularity when it came out, I suggest you rent dat! It's so goofy, it's almost good, while still sucking royally! But I love it nonetheless, and I'm sure I'll love the game too!

I have an interview at Best Buy tomorrow, but I'm not sure that I really want 2 jobs. Can I handle it? I'm not sure, I guess I'll have to just give it a shot and see if I can pull it off. The extra money would be nice, plus I've wanted to work there forEVER since I could work. The messed up part is that the only time they'd hire me is when I have enough experience that I don't need a job like that anymore, except as a second job - EXACTLY the situation I'm in now. What a coincidence! Anyway, it's tired and I'm late...on the verge of delirious. It's amazing I'm not wording up my screws by now! MUCH LOVE ALL!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VISION!!!!

2005-07-29T06:36:00.000-06:00

I want to take some time to reflect...on the past year in the Vision. One year ago, on July 29, 2004, I started this blog with an open mind. I had no idea what would become of it. A couple friends joined Blogger, and we had a blog community. Only a few of us are left now, but it's still all I ever thought it would be. Happy birthday Vision.

War of the Worlds

2005-07-18T12:06:00.000-06:00

I watched War of the worlds the other day with my friend and girlfriend. The movie was great! Spectaclar special effects, great plot, great ending...but I have to give this movie 2 thumbs in the ground. I will never...EVER watch another movie that stars Dakota Fanning. Eff her. This stupid little girl, totally screwed up the movie. Tom Cruise was great. She sucked. The whole movie was ruined for me, because every scene she was in (oh, wait...she was in EVERY scene) I was thinking about how nice it would be if some other little girl of comparable age and size came onto the screen and kicked Dakota in the head. I will forever boycott her movies. She sucks so much bung that I want to throw up.

Tell me she doesn't look retarded right here.

EAT IT DAKOTA!

Currently listening to: "All the Critics in New York" - Westside Connection

Sad to report

2005-07-13T11:48:00.000-06:00

I'm disappointed to report that the shuttle will NOT, in fact, launch today. Apparently, there is a low level fuel sensor that has malfunctioned and cannot be immediately repaired.

Happy Birf day a yo

2005-07-13T11:04:00.000-06:00

It's my birthday today...so: Happy Birthday to me! I don't feel different...I never really do until about six months later. Then I start to feel my age. But that's no different than anybody else I suppose.

I think I'm more excited about the shuttle launch scheduled for today. Today marks NASA's "Return to Flight" as the space shuttle Discovery makes the first launch since the Columbia disaster just a few years ago. Working here at NASA WSTF is exciting today simply because excitement is contagious. Everybody here has had their part in the shuttle's success, weather it be large, small, direct, or indirect. I think everyone feels a little bit of pride today as the shuttle sits on the launch pad, ready to ascend into the sky. We're all scheduled to watch the launch from the conference room today. I can imagine that everybody will be holding their breath as the timer continues to count down...and they will continue to hold it as Discovery rises from sight. I hope everything goes well with the launch today and I know it will prove to be a spectacular sight. I wish I could be there.

Another interesting fact I learned recently is White Sands Space Harbor (WSSH) is the primary emergency landing site for the space shuttle and the third alternate site as well. What this means is: If the shuttle should have some malfunction or emergency, and NASA deems it "unsafe" to land at the normal location, it would land here in New Mexico at WSSH. This would be an incredible and exciting event in itself, but I hope it doesn't land here...because that would mean there would be a potentially dangerous problem. In case of bad weather or other complications at the primary and alternate landing sites, WSSH would also be used to land the shuttle.

Currently listening to: Pre-launch Commentary - NASA TV

Moving Sucks

2005-07-06T11:16:00.000-06:00

I moved all day yesterday...not just moving like physical activity...moving stuff. My girlfriend and I were up till...I don't even know how late moving stuff. I don't remember moving sucking this much when I moved out of my parent's house. Maybe it's because it was SO nice to be out of there...I actually liked the house I was living in YESTERDAY. But oh well...that's just how it goes I guess. My room is currently filled with boxes...with a little path to walk to the door...the next week will consist of working in the day...unpacking at night. UGGGHH! does not sound fun.

I've decided that moving is a bit like not moving...in the sense that you're not actually doing anything...anything being everything but work...which is, in fact, what you are doing. I think I remember work being defined as exerting energy to move something...I think that's right because I remember a picture of a guy pushing on a wall and a caption that said "Is this man doing work?" and the answer was no, because although the man was exerting energy, he was not moving anything...not accomplishing a damn thing...except to make himself tired. What a dumbass. anyway that's exactly my point. That you can manipulate anything to mean anything you want it to mean. Like when I said that we didn't do anything. If I define anything to mean "everything except work" then we weren't doing anything, we were doing nothing...if nothing is defined as "work and nothing else...or work and not anything" Basically "not anything" translates to "nothing" anyway so you can just say "nothing" and I'll know you mean "not anything" because...pretty much that's what it means? Right? Left.

HAPPY FORF

2005-07-05T07:04:00.000-06:00

I just wanna wish erbody a happy forf of julio. I hope everybody had a good time.

Also, I wanna mention that Sean has deleted his blog...it is no more, in case you didn't already know. I know it's done...but I'm still sad. I was gonna have a big post about this...but I'm not in the mood. I'm in the mood to just say "I'm sad" and leave it at that. I'll probably leave the link on my site for a while...then delete it while nobody is looking. I hope everybody is having a good summer...I actually haven't heard from many people...at least not as many as I would have thought. It seems the summer has less activity that I originally thought. OH well. Also, if anybody is looking for a roommate, call me. Or if you know where I can get a job, let me know that too.

Currently listening to: "stick together" - kottonmouth kings

I'm tired.

2005-07-05T06:59:00.000-06:00

im tired

nerds

2005-06-30T06:21:00.000-06:00

I knew a lot of nerds in High School.

Guess what? They're still nerds in College.

The curious thing I just realized was this:

These guys have always been nerds. They will always be nerds. They will get the best jobs, still be nerds, hang out together, make lots of money, and ultimately get a chick. This is unfair.

I remember some nerdy-ass kids in elementary school walking around all nerdy and everything...acting like they were cool. But they weren't. Those were the kids who just walked past you and you were like "wow...what a dork" Yea, them.

Those same kids were the picked on ones that you felt bad for in middle school. But you never said anything because they were such nerds and..."they deserved it somehow"

Those SAME kids came to high school (sometimes with guns) and excelled in all their classes, got above average GPAs and somehow found eachother. They formed "nerd groups" These nerds dated eachother and hung out together. They didn't associate with non-nerds. All these nerds were accepted into great colleges and that's where they figured something out.

The nerds in college are the same nerds that went to elementary school with me, middle school with me, and high school with me. But now they are working hard, not just for nerdism, but for a "good job" when they get done. Curiously, I am working for the same thing. Does this make me a nerd? NO. What it does make me is competition. More than likely though, the nerd will get a better GPA, considering all the practice he had in high school. I didn't know what a GPA was in high school. So if we compete for the same job, he will be hired and I...will not.

I've realized that this is how the world after college works by observing my workplace. Here are the things I've observed:

They're all nerds (more than 85%).
They took over and don't even realize it.
They make lots of money.
They drive nice cars.

I am determined not to fail. I will succeed so that I can infiltrate this "nerd society." I will make lots of money. I will drive a nice car. I will not be a nerd.

And if the Law don't get her, then I will...

2005-06-14T06:39:00.000-06:00

There's a point when you just don't try to understand.
That's the point when you just throw up your hands.
You just give in to what's given
Stop trying to avoid the raindrops of sin
It's gonna happen no matter what
I'll bet you're wet even with luck
There's not escape
From under his cape
In the end we find out who's the man
So enjoy the soliutde while you can...

Damien III

2005-06-06T19:00:00.000-06:00

I love this DMX song. I think it's my favorite DMX song, in fact. I thought it was a pretty good show of his lyricism. He plays two different characters in a "dialogue" sort of...he talks to, what I interpret to be, the devil...and at the end, asks Jesus to help dispell temptation. Check it out:

The red lines are spoken by the devil, the black lines are DMX. (Actually both are DMX, but as I said before, he is "playing" the part of the devil as well as himself.)

Hey yo D, it's your nigga D
Uh-huh
What the fuck, you forgot about me?
You've been eatin real good lately
Didn't get a shout out on your last album, what you hate me?
Arrrf
Thought I was your dog
Thought I was your nigga that let you see it all through the fog
Arrrf
Said I was your mans and them
And any problem that you had I would handle them
Aiyyo dog it's like this, I fuck with you lightly
Cause I knew if I fucked with you too deep you'd bite me
Get mad at me, send niggaz wantin to fight me
Whole time you fucked with me you didn't like me
Oh where you hear that?
Pssh, niggaz talk
Plus you know how shit flow in New York
Walls have ears, buildings heard
Supposed to be shhhhhh but still the word

[Chorus]
Everywhere that I go, everything that I see
Every place that I touch I feel him fuckin with me
I'm gonna fly
Why you lie? Told me it was Ryde or Die
I'm gonna fly
Eye for an eye - what happened to my piece of the pie?

[Verse Two]
Now dog, you know me better than that
I could put you ahead of the pack, instead of the back
I could have niggaz sellin tapes, instead of the crack
Could have niggaz fallin down, with lead in they back
Ain't much that I can't do when I want to
I don't really need you, nigga fuck you
WHAT?!
Nah I'm just playin, got a wife and kids
Little Dame ain't come across dem triflin kid
Yo what you mean by that?
Mean by what?
Youse a grimy nigga f'real, I see whassup
I don't even know why I fucked with you from the door
Cause you know I could give you what you wanted and more
I coulda got it from him
But you woulda had to wait
But I wouldn't have to wait
C'mon, don't hate
What happened to the right hand, Light Man?
Nah that's Dark Man
Well let's get it right then

[Chorus]

[Verse Three]
Now I see for who you are, it's like I know you
So I can't trust you as far as I can throw you
Oh you, don't know you are the reason
that I go through what I go through, let me show you
Didn't I promise you a Benz, Lots of friends
Countless pairs of Timbs? endless ends?
But what did it cost me?
My life to be taken softly, man BACK THE FUCK UP OFF ME
Don't fuck with me like that when I fuck witchu like this
Don't come at me like that when you know that you might miss
Go on about your business
Any cat you send my way, ain't gon' be no witness
LORD JESUS
C'mon dog, look who you're fuckin
PLEASE HELP ME
Whassup dog? Man you buggin
KEEP THE DEVIL
Thug life, thought we were tight
OUT OF MY LIFE
I'll be back aight? Psych

Cam-pean

2005-05-31T06:51:00.000-06:00

Camping is badass. Check this out: I used to go camping with my parents when they went. But then I figured this out: Camping with your parents is like...spending a whole weekend with them. You can't get away from them. You're with them 24 hours for those days! Why would I want to do that? At least when we're at home, I could get go to my room, or even to a friend's house...but camping...there's nowhere to go. You're stuck in the wilderness with your parents for 2 or more days out of the week. Why would I subject myself to this kind of torture? I DON'T KNOW! It's not that I don't like my parents, they're great. It's just that spending more than 1 whole day with them can result in some pretty violent arguments about...pretty much anything! So, once I figured this fact out, I decided not to go with them anymore...and for the rest of the time that I lived there...this decision worked out pretty well for me. They went camping, I stayed home. It provided a chance for both parties to enjoy time away from the other. I know they enjoyed being away from me...and I enjoyed the solitude of a parentless house.

Now that I've moved out, I'm sure camping with my parents wouldn't be so bad, taking into account the lack of quality time we spend together these days...but alas...camping w/ them is a thing of the past. All I can do is look back on those experiences and appreciate them for the things they taught me...none of which I can recall at the moment...but I'm sure there was something good I learned. In all seriousness, I remember having a lot of fun camping when I was young. I just grew out of camping with my parents. Maybe it's just a personal issue that nobody else has experienced. I doubt it though.

Now that I'm out of the house and anxious to get out of town once in a while, camping has a new appeal: Camping with the boys. We're goin out in full force (not "full anal force" eric) to conquer the wilderness and set some shit on fire! But seriously, the camping trip this weekend is going to be an experience that we never thought possible when we were young...and I'm sure there'll be some nature included too. Just the thought of being out in the middle of nature: Peeing on trees or in bushes, OWNing our own fire, sleeping under the stars, cooking our own hardcore camp food (probably hotdogs and sandwiches, but...whatever - still hardcore) and doing whatever the hell we want because...WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE...is awesome! I can't wait cuz it's gonna be the "sperience" of a lifetime...well, probably not, because I'm sure we'll do it again. But it will definitely be an experience...to say the least.

I would say that there will be a follow up post about how the trip went...but I won't because I always say there will be a follow up post about...whatever...and I never really follow through. So this time I say: Have some great camping experiences of your own, and we'll have ours. If you ever get a chance, ask me how it went and I'll tell you. Also, hope that I don't get attacked by a bear or anything (I don't want PETA all over my ass if I have to headbutt any animals).

HOLLA!

"Been so long..."

2005-05-27T10:33:00.000-06:00

"heat's been on..."

I know it's been entirely too long since my last substantial post...but I'm not even sure anybody reads my blog anymore...

I've been working full time and that kicks my ass...

After work I just play video games...

Pretty much this is my life nowadays...I'm thinking of getting a second job to keep me busy after this job. I don't have much to do after work so...

I'm thinking of working at Staples - They've got that.

I love office supplies.

Hello

2005-05-20T07:14:00.000-06:00

There's someplace I wanna be,
That's too far away to be reachable.
But somehow I'll get there.
Is this false hope?
Or determination?
I can't say for myself.
But who is qualified to judge?

Maybe I won't have to go.
Maybe it will come to me.
I'll just wait.
Then I'll be just where I want to be.

Currently Listening To: "Straight Outta Compton" - NWA

Sunset

2005-05-09T20:50:00.000-06:00

When I look into the sunset
I can see my future
I know that's cliche
More than you know
but it applies so I can say it
like the air around me
I'm breathing
but it's life that comes out
not CO2
I have this gift
but I don't know how to use it
I feel so...confused and vulnerable
everybody can see me mess up
everybody can laugh if I stand here long enough
but once I figure it out
I'll be envied
I'll be wanted
I'll be so fly
I'll be superman

Done with School, Moving Out, and Chocolate Water

2005-05-05T08:18:00.000-06:00

I'm FINALLY done with school. Finals kicked my ass, but I am so, so ready for these 4 months of freedom. I feel there is so much that I can finally do...I can re-organized my CD collection (which I actually did last night) I can...uh, well I'm sure I'll figure out some more stuff to do this summer. HA!

I was planning on moving out of my current residence this weekend, but plans have changed...well, plans have been delayed is more like it. I was going to move back to my mom's for a few months until I could find a place...but honestly, I don't think that my parents could deal with having me around anymore. I pretty much do what I want lately, I play loud music, come home late, take showers at 2:00 in the morning...I don't even think about these things...but I'm sure my mom wouldn't appreciate ICP at 2:00 in the morning. I'm staying at my house for a little longer...about 2 more months. Then I'm moving out...though I'm not sure where yet. Anyway, it will be cool, I'm not rushed to do anything. I have about a month to chill before my summer class starts.

Also, my roommate drinks chocolate water. I guess there was no milk, so she put the chocolate syrup in water - chocolate water. That's gross.

Living in Las Cruces isn't as bad as a lot of people say. I, for one, love it here. People always tell me: "it sucks here, come up with at least one reason why living here is cool" And for those people, I have this picture:

Picture taken by Mike Lowinske

It's beautiful here.

This picture will be taken down in a couple of days because it's HUGE and it takes up too much space on my blog. I just wanted you skeptics to see this...

Amityville Horror-fied!

2005-04-27T14:18:00.000-06:00

Amityville Horror is, byfar, the scariest movie I have ever seen. I'm so serious. I almost peed. There was all types of demons running around and shit, making this dude go crazy, scarin the kids...

I really love scary movies, but most don't ACTUALLY scare me. This one had me jumping all crazy and freakin out at every shadow when I came out. I swear this is the one scary movie that beats all other scary movies. Seriously, this is the scary movie to have on hand. I'm buyin this one when it comes out on DVD for sure! If you haven't already seen it...do it. You won't regret it...unless you have a heart condition. Then you might die...but it's cool though, because you'll go out watching a kick-ass movie.

Currently Listening to: "Rollin'" - Limp Bizkit

SO DUB!

2005-04-25T08:31:00.000-06:00

Game Review Time:

Midnight club 3: Dub Edition came out last last Wednesday, but being the super sneaky and intuitive ninja that I am, I got it a day early. I felt pretty privileged to be the ONLY one in LC to have this game at that time. Anyway, it has subsequently taken over my life. I'm sure I would have found some other idle distraction to keep me from my homework, but this game is my current excuse. I swear this is the best racing game on the market...all you GT4 addicts can just keep your "realism" comments to yourself. If I wanted pure realism I wouldn't be playing video games now would I? Plus GT4 has a SUPER realistic damage engine now doesn't it...OH WAIT - THERE IS NO DAMAGE IN GT4!!!! Well, that doesn't seem to realistic to me. BUT ANYWAY, I've said little about MC3DE. DUB magazine worked with Rockstar on this one to create the most entertaining and fully customizeable racer out right now. Dub adds all the details and options to cars that you could ever want. I don't think there is a part on a car that I have wanted to change, but couldn't...because I can change EVERYTHING. MC3 gives you the option of buying and selling cars, customizing them, and making a profit, racing for money and cars...and everything in both previous Midnight Club games...and more! Every car is fully customizable - Here is a breakdown of what you can change on just about EVERY car:

paint color
paint type (matte, gloss, metallic, pearlescent, color shift)
window tint and color
rim color (chrome, gold, yellow, blue, red, green...etc.)
brake caliper color
exhaust pipe color
trim color
nitrous emission color
neon color
neon flash option
window decals
window decal color
vinyl decals
vinyl decal color
license plate letters
license plate state
license plate year
body kits
lift kits
a billion different rim choices
rim size
ride height
hoods
carbon fiber options
chop top options
motorcycle rider
motorcycle rider outfits
engine enhancements
much more I can't even think of right now

There is so much to do in this version. There are optional city races you can do for fun or extra cash. The character races return, where you can flash your lights at a potential opponent and go to a race point to start. A new edition to this game are tournaments where the prize is a vehicle and a large amount of cash. There are also "car exclusive" races that you may only enter if you are driving a: luxury vehicle, sport bike, truck or turner, respectively. This game is so cool. I've been playing for two weeks in lieu of homework, logged 20+ hours and STILL am only around 50% complete. BUY THIS GAME.

Google = Search

2005-04-22T07:38:00.000-06:00

How do you get there? I dunno...google it. What the hell is THAT? Beats me, I'll google it. Who the F is this guy? Ummm, we'll google him and find out.

I believe that pretty soon, the word "google" will become synonymous with "search." Google also means "to look for answers" In the future teachers will say: "I want you to google a topic and write about it." or kids will go on a "scavenger google." When somebody is lost in the mountains, the government will send out a "google and rescue team." If you're trapped in a cave you will try to "google a way out" You'll be able to "google for gold" "google for your path in life" and even "google for your long lost brother"

I even think other search engines will crumble under the pressure of trying to be like google. Pretty soon "search engine" will become "google engine" and then Google.com will become a "google google engine" I think google's great so I'm not opposed to google taking over the world (if it comes to that) but if you're opposed, you may need to "google for a different country to live in"

The office life

2005-04-20T08:40:00.000-06:00

I love this office life. I think I was born for this. When somebody hands me a letter and a stack of enclosures and says "only this CC needs an enclosure so make copies in that order with the PDF CDs as enclosure three and the legal pages underneath. Make sure you certify that original doc and send another copy of the PDF file to the distribution list" I almost pass out. I love this whole paper pushing atmosphere...and I realize that isn't normal. I know I've said before that I love the office supplies, networking and flourescent lighting but...everything here is so...ordered, so organized. I love it. I was made for this.

It's too hot under the sun

2005-04-18T11:49:00.000-06:00

I never realized how hard it is to achieve bliss. The simple pleasures in life are lost when school is your mother, your brother and your boss. School dictates your life and you can't even post...I can't even post...I can't even see. Past these books is a stack of work. Past the work is my laptop, filled with blank word documents waiting to be filled. WHERE AM I? lost in this blizzard of homework and studying for tests that won't ever matter after this semester and the impact they may have on the almighty "GPA" School has taken over my mind...I'm struggling with the concept...but I have an idea that if I relax and accept the parasite...it will be much easier to turn into whatever it wants me to be. I will become the studying, writing, calculating, analyzing student that I've forever shunned. My existence will become important only to one thing: serve and complete. I will graduate. I will succeed. But here's where my mind wraps around itself looking for an answer that isn't even there: If I succeed at something that changed me in the process, have I succeeded, or have my goals shifted?

Maybe when I graduate I'll make more sense.

Currently Listening to: "Indecisive" - Chimaria

DICK WAS NAIRED!

2005-04-11T19:40:00.000-06:00

Figure 1

This weekend..

DICK WAS NAIRED!

Can you belive it? I got pictures to prove it. He didn't want to because he thought it might make him gay, but we convinced him that it was super sexy and all the ladies would love it. He finally consented and we presented him with two types of Nair, one to try on each leg. On the right leg, as seen in figure 1, is the "Nair foam" a new type of hair removal foam that works like the lotion...except that it's foam. Foam is a fun word to say. FOAM. On the left leg you can see the original Nair lotion. Both Nairs worked extremely well considering the copious amount of ape hair that was attached to Dick's legs. I can't even believe it all came off. FOAM. (ha! that's just fun to say) Anyway, that's what happened. Then all the girls started jumping on him, and he died of suffocation.

Figure 1 and...a half, kind of

Currently Listening to: "What's Golden" - Jurrassic 5

Jobs that suck

2005-04-08T19:07:00.000-06:00

I was just watching the Ice Cream Truck pass by my house, and it got me thinking about the absolute worst jobs you could have (no offense to anybody who drives an Ice Cream Truck)

Seriously, think about how annoying it would be to drive around town, looking for little kids to hustle, with the SAME SONG PLAYING ALL DAY LONG! For real, that song is annoying when the truck passes my house...but when I think about the guy in the truck...he has to listen to that song all day long. Really, that has got to be one of the worst jobs out there.

Also, I think that being a Janitor at an elementary school would suck. I mean, I know a dudes who are Janitors (none at elementary schools) but their job isn't all that bad. But I've come to the conclusion (after spending 5 years doing research at an elem. school) that little kids throw up. A lot. So the percentage of the workload that is composed of cleaning up puke must be pretty high - and that has got to lick. Seriously, would you want to clean up puke all day? Especially little kid puke, because little kids almost never make it to the toilet, they just puke in class and all over the hall, and you know those little nose-pickers ate spaghetti for lunch - all red with chunks of beef and peices of noodles because they don't chew anything more than twice.

That guy who cleans up the poo at zoos has to have it horrible. Seriously, his whole job is just to pick up animal poo. "Cage Cleaner" or whatever. I guess it could be considered interesting because he get's to see all kinds of different poo...
The elephant cage must lick though. Elephant poo is huge. I think you have to shovel that poo out...
I wonder if he even smells anymore...does he smell poo after all day of smelling poo? Poo, Poo, Poo, poopity poopity poo.

Hmmm...I feel like I'm missing some, I'm sure there's a couple more horrible jobs out there. What do you think? What is the worst job in the Universe?

Music from the commute: "Get out of Denver" - Bob Seger

Cellulite is not very light

2005-04-06T09:44:00.000-06:00

Cellulite
is not very light
it won't even fly
if you strap it to a kite
don't ask me why
it's chewy when it dries
or when you burn it
it smells like french fries

I'M BORED TOO!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-04-06T09:43:00.000-06:00

Shoobiddy do wop

If I ever die

2005-03-30T11:05:00.000-07:00

If I ever die, promise not to cry for me
If I ever die, look up in the sky for me
If I ever die, you'll know just what to do
If I ever die, it's all up to you

One more minute

2005-03-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

When you say "one more minute," you're just delaying the inevitable...defying the undeniable...avoiding the expected outcome that is and will consume your life and undying will (or so you thought). Are we still stuck in this airless universe...cyling on a bubble without purpose or motivation? Why we spin has nothing to do with us or our range of control...so why do we waste "one more minute" thinking about it? Why do we insist upon using our resources that some may refer to as "valuable" (I prefer to think of as limited and non-impacting) on unattainable ventures? Why am I talking like this...I'm not talking. I'm just letting my fingers type what they will and...this...all this is what comes out. This concept brings to mind our creation...

Just letting the fingers mold the clay how they will...without specific purpose or consequence...until a figure emerges, and surprises even the artist...

Music from the commute: "One More Minute" - Authority Zero

Easter Bunny?

2005-03-21T11:47:00.000-07:00

Easter Bunny

For the longest time, I have asked myself why a "bunny" is the universal mascot and symbol for Easter in this country. Why would a bunny have ANYTHING to do with Easter? Why not a bird, or a goat, or a bear, or a lemur, or a kangaroo, or...well you get the point.

Easter Goat

Why is it, that a bunny (who, by the way, lays eggs) can represent a Christian holiday? In my search for the answers (which took up a considerable amount of homework time) I have found the following facts to be true (or at least "generally" accepted)

The Easter Bunny is really the Easter "Hare"
The "Hare" was a companion of the Goddess of Spring - Eostre
"Easter Bunny" Lore was circulating before the birth of Christ

So, what actually happened was that fat little German kids were spoiled brats and, therefore, upset that Christmas was over and they wouldn't be getting anymore presents for a long time. Their stupid parents noticed this and decided to create another holiday in which they could give their kids gifts in appeasement.

Fat Kid
This "spring festival" indicated the start of the new season. The rabbit represented fertility (breeding like rabbits) and therefore was used to symbolize "new life" in the fertile spring season. So anyway, these parents told their fat kids that the Hare would bring them presents at the Spring Festival, so they made a place in which to collect these presents - nests (Easter baskets). In these nests the Hare was supposed to place brightly colored eggs (symbolizing new life as well) and gifts during the night. And there's a bunch of other stuff that I'm too tired to write about and you're probably bored of hearing about so we'll just leave it at that. Just know that probably you'll get some rabbit turds this Sunday in the shape of eggs...so enjoy!

Rabbit Turds

Penny for you feet?

2005-03-15T19:17:00.000-07:00

Today, I found a penny in my shoe...I don't know how it got there...it was just there. I was walking around and I felt something in my shoe. I pulled it off, and a penny fell out. Weird huh? OK so I know the penny wasn't in my shoe when I put it on, cuz I was walking around all day and I didn't feel it. My shoes are tight, so it couldn't have fallen in there...I just don't get it. I figure it's divine-penny-placement at work. So then I start thinking...what does this mean? I mean, it has to mean something. Maybe it means I'll have good luck! Or maybe it means bad luck...Or maybe it means I'll come into some money! That would be great. Or maybe it means that I need money...which is true. Maybe it's an omen of death. Maybe it means that I'll be killed by a rouge flock of seagulls. Maybe it means that I'll eat a tuna sandwich tonight. Maybe it means my car will break down. Maybe it means I'll get sick next week. Maybe it means I'm going to lose my hair. Maybe it means that I should be nicer to people. Maybe it means I'll get a strange phone call today...
Maybe it means I'm not ready for the real world...if I can't even figure out what a stupid penny in my shoe means...not to mention how it got there! Maybe it means, I'm the only normal one...Maybe it means I'm not normal...unnormal, abnormal, nonnormal, disnormal...Maybe it means I like to make up words, maybe it means that I'm writing a post that is entirely too long on a subject that has been beat to death at least 10 sentences ago.

Maybe it means nothing.

Currently Listening to: "Lil' Girl" - 213

Job Available: Brett's Administrative Assistant (secretary)

2005-03-14T08:31:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking: As busy as I am, I need a secretary. I will choose my secretary very carefully (actually, I'll take anybody). The secretary should be willing to work for very low pay (even free) or simply the privilege (and benefit) of being in my company. Duties will include: Writing down whatever I say to write down (like Van Wilder), transcription, household chores, answering my phone like this: "Brett Moore's office, how may I help you?", running documents, important items, and pickles to various locations around town, chauffeuring, doing my homework, cooking, cleaning, and efficiently running my schedule. OH, and also sometimes following me around with a video camera to make me look important.

Anyway, I think being my secretary is a coveted position...If I wasn't me, I would apply for it! If you are even mildly interested, please send all applications to: psychomoore@gmail.com

OH, and there are no benefits, except of course being in the grace of my presence. And dental.

A resume with at least 3 business references would be nice as well. I think if nobody applies, I'll just be my own secretary...except I'll be an Administrative Assistant (higher status)

Here is a picture of a secretary. (but if you look like this, I'll hire you just so I can fire you)

Music from the commute: "Let's Get Away" - T.I.

Tweeze me, Please me

2005-03-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

I just bought a pair of surgical style tweezers...they are the greatest. All you girls (and metrosexual guys) know what I'm talking about. I mean, you could tweeze anything with these babys. You could tweeze somebody's arm out of the socket with em. I'm telling you these tweezers are like nothing you've ever seen before. You've never tweezed like this...ever. You get these tweezers close to the hair...and it falls out. It knows it has no chance of resisting. I'm telling you. It's raw power in your hands when you hold this marvel of modern technology. Who knew that finding the perfect tweezer would be so...easy? Tweezerman even stamps it's packaging with the motto: "you'll never buy another set of tweezers" and I believe them! I really don't think I'll eve need any other tweezers except for these ones. "What do you use them for?" Some might ask. My answer is this:

With tweezers like these, you can do anything.

HAPPY TWEEZING!

Music from the commute: "Cryin Like A Church On Monday" - New Radicals

Transformers, Turtles and Hugs

2005-03-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

Transformers were so cool, don't you remember? How cool is this:

A Mack Truck, that can become an evil fighting robot! Or how about a Huge robot that can transform into a gun! Incredible idea, isn't it? I loved transformers...almost as much as I loved the Turtles...but more on that later. I remember getting all the transformer toys and standing them all up in front of the TV before the show. I (we) would watch the show...in silence, then, when it was over, we would act out the whole show. I had all the characters, why not act it out? Except I added my own little plot twists like when I had Megatron messing around with Optimus Prime's girlfriend. Anyway, I liked these guys so much that I wanted to be one for Halloween. My mom put a box on my head with holes cut out for the eyes. That was the last time I let her make my costume.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Also cool. Though, I'm confused about how they came up with the name. There must have been some criteria the name had to meet to be exciting...I'm wondering what would have happened if it came out to be: Middleage Retarded Pirate Blowfish. Whatever, they are what they are. Anyway, I idolized these guys too, so, of course, I had EVERY SINGLE ACTION FIGURE ever made of them (Thanks Dad) and of course I watched the shows, owned the movies, and dressed up like them for Halloween (though, these costumes were slightly better than the transformer ones) Michaelangelo was my favorite...I don't know why. As shallow as I was, it could have simply been his color, but I like to think it was his personality. Anyway, I watched the shows religiously and...here's a picture:

Here's a picture of all of them. This is the new logo, some of you hardcore fans will remember the "Turtles" with muscles...or whatever it was, here look:

Anyway, those guys (turtles) were cool as hell, I still think they're cool. I wonder who would win in a fight between the turtles and the Transformers. Probably the transformers cuz they were bigger...but the turtles were pretty badass though. I'd say final judgement: Turtles win.

What is this crap?

You know what sucks? HUGS. Not real hugs, real hugs are cool, but Hershey's hugs suck. Who decided to put white chocolate in a perfectly good kiss? That's like putting piss in your Cheerios...NOT SO CHEERY NOW HUH! Somebody decided to screw up a perfecly good formula: Take a peice of chocolate, wrap it in some foil. BOOM, you're done. But some retard was all like: "hmm, what would happen if we mixed in this white fake chocolate crap? Let's see....Ooooh, it tastes good!" Well you're wrong retard, you're wrong. It doesn't taste good. It doesn't taste anything remotely close to good. It tastes like crap. Because that's what you put in it. Good job, thanks for screwing up one of life's simple pleasures.

And that's all I have today on: Transformers, Turtles and Hugs.

Music From the Commute: "Holy Diver" - Dio

The Long Awaited....TOP TEN

2005-03-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

I saw GMJ's post and figured I'd better get up in the game too. Here's my top ten, simple and plain (no particular order). There's favorite's that are left out of this list...but favorite don't mean TOP. Nawmean? Anyway let's get to it:

1. Guns N Roses - Appetite For Destruction

This album has changed my life...and I'm sure I'm not the only one. There is so much energy coming from this piece when you listen to it. Welcome to the Jungle is, hand's down, my favorite track from Appetite. Songs like Paradise City and Sweet Child of Mine make this album a must have and an undebateable classic. I actually frown upon anyone who doesn't have this album. Who are you kidding? No CD you own is superior to GNR, especially if it's AFD! Get on it, doggone it!

2. Prodigy - Fat of the Land

I think you know why I put this one on here. I think music is energy. If you've ever listened to this CD beginning to end, you've felt your adrenaline spike. From the onset Smack my Bitch Up indicates the direction this album is about to take you. All I can say is: Pure Energy. I love this album for is replayability (if that's not a word, then I made it up) and it's perfection. I don't really think there's one thing wrong with it. Some people complain about the short length, but I think it's a perfect mix of energy and length, just enough so you don't get tired of it. No album has come close to Fat of the Land since it's release.

3. Eminem - Slim Shady LP/ Marshall Mathers LP

I put these two albums together because I believe they show two complimenting sides to Eminem. A lot of people don't like Eminem's music for the obscene and vulgar nature of just about every song, but his skills as a lyricist should be recognized. The two albums, if listened to in succession, provide an interesting experience. It's amazing that Eminem can rap in so many different styles on only two consecutive discs. He can go from My Name Is to The way I am in only 1 move! That's good math college boy! Eminem is incredible, and if you don't have these albums, there's a hole in your collection.

4. Westside Connection - Bow Down

The only album of it's kind until recently. When I say "It's kind" I don't mean Gangsta Rap, I mean: Westside Connection, Murderin, Ice Cube, Ass Kicking, WC, Mac 10, Gansta Rap to actually make you bow down. When this album dropped, there was nothing that could stand up to it. This FACT will be argued by anyone who was and east coast rap fan at the time but, of course, they are wrong. Westside connection touches fans in a spot that no other group can. Songs like Bow Down and The Gangsta, The Killa, and The Dope Dealer make you want to make them other fools bow down. Get this album...or you just won't have anything to compare new rap to, to see if it's any good. Always look at the classics, that's what I say. This album is now classic. IMO the best of all two(2) Westside Connection albums.

5. Insane Clown Posse - The Great Milenko

This is also one of my personal favorites but it's one of the TOP TEN because of the production. Mike E. Clark was the producer for ICP for almost 10 years. He produced this album and hasn't topped himself since then, to my knowledge. The arrangement of songs and the general tone of this album screams ICP. Casual fans and Juggalos agree that this is the best ICP album of all time. The Great Milenko has so many great songs, such as: What is a Juggalo, House of Horrors, Boogie Woogie Woo, and The Neden Game, just to name a few. These song's are incredible and I don't really think I can describe them in a way that anyone can understand. I would suggest buying the album to see for yourself, I'm confident that you won't be disappointed.

6. Tesla - Mechanical Resonance

Another one of my personal fav's makin it to the TOP TEN. Tesla was almost just like all the other Hair Bands of the 1980s, but they were...just better. There's no other way to describe these guys: JUST BETTER. Tesla has a unique yet familiar sound and for Big 80's rock fans like myself, this is rare. This is another energy CD, listenable all the way through. If you take one thing from Mechanical Resonance, let it be Cumin Atcha Live. There is hardly a rock song that rivals the energy of this one. Check it out if you have the interest and a chance.

7. Orgy - Candyass

This album is incredible. There's no question of why it should be on the TOP TEN...it would present a problem if I had to rank them. I once heard that Jay Gordon told an interviewer that the group was named Orgy because they were like an "Orgy of sound." He went on to explain that each member of the band had a sound that didn't really belong anywhere but when they all came together, it was like an orgy. Whatever the band name, these guys can seriously kick ass! We all remember songs like Stiches and Pantomime. But I know the one that sticks out in everybody's mind is Orgy's cover of the 1984 New Order hit Blue Monday from their album Substance. It's one of my favorite's too, but whatever reason you buy this album...actually, you don't need a reason, just buy it.

8. Deftones - White Pony

Hmm...Energy seems to be a recurring theme in my TOP TEN. Maybe that's because energy in music is like air in breathing...it's necessary. White Pony really shows off the Deftones' talents. This album rivals Around the Fur in listenallthewaythroughability and Chino Moreno hits some really high notes which is fun. White Pony also includes the songs Change and Knife Party - both great songs. You may have heard Change on the Return of the Rock: Vol 2 album. Anyway, if you're looking for a band that rocks and has a voice that kills you softly...this is your band.

9. Nirvana - Nevermind

You didn't think I'd forget did you? I'm gonna tell you the greatest CD of all the time...Nevermind. You won't get it anyway. Nirvana...wow, there is so much to say about Nirvana...I shan't say anything more. I will say that if you don't have this album, something is wrong with you. Seriously. Please purchase this album....AND FOR THE LAST TIME, Smells Like Teen Spirit, IS NOT THE ONLY GOOD SONG!

10. Makaveli: The Don Killuminati - The 7 Day Theory

A lot of controversy surrounding this disc. A LOT! One thing you'll notice is that the cover has 2 Pac on the cross as/instead of Jesus. The cover alone caused an uproar and it almost wasn't released. The parental advisory sticker was moved to cover the crotch in an obvious concession so the CD could be released. Disregarding the reason behind the cover art, the music is...incredible, undenyably original. Tupac had never done Tupac this way before and fans loved it. 7 Day Theory includes the classics Hail Mary, To Live and Die in LA, Just Like Daddy. The song Blasphemy gives a little insight into the reasoning behind the cover art but other than that, 7 Day Theory is just another ambiguous piece of the legacy that Tupac Shakur left behind.

Tha Darkness

2005-02-28T21:47:00.000-07:00

My roomate had gone out...
I lay on the carpet, spread eagle
All the lights off...the darkness spreading over me
The darkness soaking into me
I could feel the air pressure...miles of air on top of me pushing me down
or was that gravity, pulling me down
Now that I think about it, it must have been gravity
I stuck to the floor like a magnet on the fridge
I couldn't move
muscles impaired...
Extreme relaxation set in without a hint of fatigue
I didn't want to sleep
I didn't want to move
I just wanted the darkness to wash over me again
I was just soaking in the darkness
Trying not to be too dramatic
Yet, here I am, laying in the middle of my living room
In the dark
not moving
How much more dramatic can I get?
I don't remember getting up
but I remember the feeling I had
The darkness cleansed me like nothing could
The darkness took my stress away
The darkness cured me

Relish

2005-02-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

I didn't know they made dill relish until recenlty. I found some in my fridge. I was speechless. All these years I thought I hated relish because it was sweet. "I hate sweet relish!" I mean seriously, pickles weren't meant to be sweet, who ever thought of that anyway? Crazyness. But dill relish, now there's an idea! All the taste of a great dill pickle, yet small enough to put on your hotdog...without that sweet crap taste. So if you didn't know they had dill relish, like me (until recently), then check it out. It's like Christmas all over again when you find stuff like this! Except you have to pay for it...and you probably wouldn't get relish for Christmas...Whatever.

Go dill!

Music from the commute: "Strutter" - Kiss

Way too long

2005-02-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

It has been entirely too long since I've posted. I realize that and I apologize. Tha Captian came down from that ABQ to grace us with his presence. We went to Sam's club on friday night and he purchased an HBO show called "Deadwood". You may have heard of it before, but if you've never experienced the...uh...experience of watching it, you really, really need to. There's nothing like this show...and he got me hooked. It's about...well, I'm not even gonna tell you what it's about becuase I imagine that sometime in the near future, you will be able to read an in-depth post about this very subject on The Jungle. Anyway I'm all hooked and now I wish I had HBO so I could watch all the new shows.

FAYGO REMEMBERS!!!

2005-02-24T13:20:00.000-07:00

Guess what I just got in the mail yesterday? You guessed it:

FAYGO

My most thoughtful and loving girlfriend ordered Faygo from Detroit TO MY HOUSE. TO MY HOUSE! Can you believe it? Me either! It's crazy! She is the sweetest girl...sending me Faygo and everything. You don't even know. Red pop is the flavor,

and I love it! She got me a 12 pack! OMG...I'm so excited...there's...I can't...OMG...I just can't...

I'm speechless...

Currently Listening to: "Comedy Hour" - George Lopez

Break Out!

2005-02-21T21:50:00.000-07:00

"Break out, break out of your shell" They say
"Grow up, grow up, be mature or you'll pay!"

What do you know, what do you know about me?
How can I break out of something I can't even see?

I just wanna sit here and write all day
But it's "Break out! Break out, or get out of the way!"

I'm not in the way, you put me here!
All you are made of is weakness and fear!

Get outta the way, you'll never succeed!
How do you know? You don't even bleed!

YOUR NOT A REAL PERSON, YOUR JUST A MACHINE!!!
No emotion or feelings just dull, mad, and mean...

I'm free right now, I'm gonna make it through
But all you want from me is...you.

My messy room

2005-02-20T13:49:00.000-07:00

Here's my room before I cleaned it:

Here it is afterwards: (I still need to vaccuum)

Spring Cleaning

2005-02-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

I think I'll clean my room this weekend. I mean really clean. My room is pretty much always clean but not as much as I'd like it to be, there's always a little clutter here and there and I would like it to be pristine. I think I'll put a big trash can in the middle of my room and then go through ALL my stuff, and throw away anything I haven't used in a year. That will make my room a little leaner. It's a little like life that way, when you move or change your life around. Get rid of all the stuff that's from your past...just start over. No reminders, no regrets. I try to do that from time to time. I go through my phone and delete all the numbers that I no longer use...but that's never a good idea. Once you delete a number, you almost ALWAYS need it the next day. Well anyway, if I do proceed with my spring cleaning plans, you'll be viewing a "before" and "after" picture so you'll know what happened. HOLLA!

Music From the Commute - "Put Yo Back Into It" - Ice Cube

A New Love?

2005-02-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. I am in love...with Dashboard Confessional. I just got A mark, a mission, a brand, a scar (Their newest album) yesterday and I am still in awe. It's been so long since an artist has shocked me like this. This album is incredible, undeniably original, and once I absorb it, I can't wait to get my hands on the others. I want more. The most amazing thing is this: DC is only one man - Chris Carrabba. I couldn't believe it at first, but now I am thoroughly impressed. This guy has been around for a while now, and I don't know why I didn't notice him before.

A mark, a mission is so heartfelt, so emotional...it induces heartbreak. I listened to this album on the way to work today and I just wanted to sit in my car and cry...It made me so sad, but it was addicting in a way that you may never understand...unless, of course, you purchase the album. Then you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. OH, the joys of heartbreak! If Dashboard Confessional's third full album can affect me like this, I'm going to need more. I'll acquire the other two, plus the EP's and then I'll be another waiting fan...waiting for the next big release, the next big emotional set, the next big heartbreak...to get my fix.

Happy Valentine's Day

2005-02-14T20:16:00.000-07:00

This has been the BEST Valentine's day ever. I was really happy today...unlike any other Valentine's day that I can remember. I am in love and I can't deny it...not that I want to. Valentine's day has never meant so much to me...today wasn't just another Hallmark Holiday as it has been in the past. I always found something wrong with the day, but today was beyond anything I could have hoped for. My Valentine wasn't even with me today and it was still a great day. I can only imagine what it will be like when we are together. As this Valentine's day draws to a close, I look forward to many happy Valentine's Day's in the future...

I love you, my valentine...

Currently Listening to: "Screaming Infidelities" - Dashboard Confessional

Church

2005-02-13T12:52:00.000-07:00

I went to church today for the first time in...a LONG time. I was amazed at the feeling that it gave me just to be there. I remember when I was younger, and was forced to go to church with my parents, I had no interest whatsoever in anything that was being said. I remember counting down the clock until we could leave. I remember daydreaming and thinking of ANYTHING else besides the gospel. Today, I actually paid attention, and it was everything that I never knew it could be. I felt so great afterward...rarely has a Sunday for me been this...joyful. I was interested in the sermon. It was thought provoking. It had me evaluating myself in a way that I've never experienced. I feel like this was the first time I had EVER been to church...I'm going again next weekend. I want to learn more. I want to know all I can. I want to feel this again...

I want to go to the moon

2005-02-12T09:44:00.000-07:00

I wanna go to the moon...who's with me? We could take a balloon, and hope we could float high enough...or, I know this guy with a rocket we could borrow. We'd still have to pay for gas either way. I wish we could take a canoe. I like canoes but they don't have docks on the moon. I'm so fly. I could just lift myself up there, you'd have to hold my hand. Are you willing to hold my hand? It's a long way, you might get tired...maybe we could build a ladder so we could get back, if we wanted. I have a feeling though, that if we went, we'd never want to come back down. When you're on the moon, everything seems perfect...it is perfect, or as close as life can come to it. I can't be perfect, but I can go to the moon...and I can take you with me. Follow me to the moon...

I'm so hot I'm on the sun

2005-02-10T14:02:00.000-07:00

I'M SO HOT...I'M SO HOT, I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA DIE. I think I'm dying...

Before you start to think that I'm super arrogant and everything, just know that I'm talking about temperature...I'm so damn hot right now. I feel like I need to get away from myself, step out of my skin...just for a little bit, just to cool off. Go to your cave, go to your cave. I can't stop this feeling, I feel like the sun fell on me. I'M SO HOT!!!!! I can't get away from it, I need to be frozen, somebody pour some ice on me, I'm melting...

Currently Listening to: "Go DJ" - Lil Wayne

Televizzle

2005-02-09T10:07:00.000-07:00

[this picture has nothing to do with the post]

"There's something about you
That tears me inside out
whenever you're around
And there's something about you
That makes me fly
You're a heart attack,
just the kind I like
And there's something about your kiss
haunting and strange
That makes me feel so good"

-New Radicals

Sometimes you just can't see far enough ahead to make good decisions...but I'm tired of being so serious and depressing. let's talk about TV. I NEVER watch TV. Really, I only have maybe watched 15 minutes of television in the last week or two. I just don't get into it like some people do...I just can't relate. When I do sit down at the TV, I feel like I'm wasting my time, like there is something more important or productive that I could be doing instead...and then I shut it off and go do something more important or productive. I have been informed that TV for some people is like music is for me. I would rather listen to music - some people would rather watch TV. Music, though, is a pleasure that may be enjoyed while doing other, productive things. To get the full television experience you must focus aurally and visually...this level of commitment (of your senses) doesn't really allow you to do anything else. I think this is why I feel uncomfortable watching TV. I feel trapped and unable to do anything while I am entranced by the flashing images and sounds. I've come to the conclusion that TV must be evil...and that's why I don't watch it. I shun that which will corrupt me.

HA, who am I kidding...

Music from the commute: "Ghetto Cowboy" - Mo Thugs

Orgasmic Steak

2005-02-08T13:30:00.000-07:00

I have decided (in reality I was "strongly urged") to write a positive post today...what is more positive than orgasmic steak? I know what you're thinking. Well, I probably don't, but at this point I can assume that it's not good. I'll explain. I went to a restaurant here in town called Mission de Mesilla. I had a steak there that was out of this world...I couldn't believe how good this thing was. They brought the steak out in a skillet and lit it on fire right there at our table. THEY LIT THE STEAK ON FIRE. ON FIRE! Do you hear what I'm typing people? They lit my steak on fire right there in front of me, then they put it out...they did some other stuff to it too, but I don't know what it was because I was still in shock from the previous pyro-orgasmic show. When they served it, it was like butter on my knife...I'm telling you, this steak cut like butter...It was incredible...I couldn't believe it. It was like steak-flavored butter. I set the knife on top of the steak, and it fell into the steak. Am I painting a detailed enough picture here? This is even before I've tasted it...

OK so, I cut a piece (I use the word "cut" loosely here) from the steak and brought it to my mouth...I hesitated. Could this steak change my life? I couldn't wait any longer so I placed the steak on my tongue...and I have to tell you, I've never tasted anything so perfect in my life...well, there is one other thing that I won't mention here...but the steak even surpassed that! This steak melted in my mouth...it was chateau briand in all it's glory...it was almost orgasmic. I'm not kidding you even a little bit. There is no exaggeration in this post. That was the best food I've ever had...that's including every dessert and delicacy that has passed my lips. I paid 60 dollars for this chunk of heaven...and it was worth every penny.

Currently Listening to: "Sunrise" - Gurilla Black

Things that provoke my anger:

2005-02-07T09:15:00.000-07:00

Here are the top 5 things that make me mad...just in case you were wondering:

People stepping on my shoes - This is one of the most painful things I encounter...I don't really know why, but my shoes are like a part of me. It doesn't matter how dirty they are, when someone touches any part of my shoe with any part of theirs...it pisses me off.
People touching my hair - Don't touch my hair...if it's got product in it. I should clairify because I don't care if people touch my hair after a shower, or when I wake up...or any time when I haven't spent an hour shaping and perfecting each strand. I am an artist. My art is my hair. Don't mess with my art.
Feeling left-out - Unless it's a "messy hair party" I feel left-out if I'm not invited to something that everybody else is invited to. I'm sensitive about that, my feelings get hurt...and if I am subsequently invited...I don't feel like going. I don't know why this affects me, but maybe I just feel like I'm not wanted...and it pisses me off.
Getting dirty - "Dirty" doesn't mean just dirt. I mean anything that does not belong/smell good on me or my clothes...pisses me off. Dirt, food, most liquids, hair, lint, and bad breath that are thrust upon me without my approval...piss me off. Especially if it's not my fault. If somebody else is inconsiderate enough to put any of those things on me, they will have some redeeming to do.
Rude people - I like considerate people. I don't really deal with rude people well, they turn my good mood upside down. If you touch my stuff, insult me, get me dirty, step on my shoes, or anything else generally classified as "rude," you have offended me and cannot redeem yourself...for at least a month.

Music from the commute: "Stacy's Mom" - Fountains of Wayne

Time

2005-02-06T18:23:00.000-07:00

I've realized that time is not on my side, as some people say...

Time sucks. There it is. The undeniable fact that is factually undeniable. Don't try to talk to me about opinions or preferences...it just sucks.

Time has never been my friend. When I need more of it, it goes faster - just to spite me. There really is never enough time...unless of course you want it to pass quickly, then there is just too much of it in the way. Time knows exactly how to push each and every one of your buttons. When you have a paper due the next day at 9:00 am, time just decides to be gay and speed up so you can't finish in time. When you're waiting for something you really want...or something really important...or both, time takes....it's time. There is nothing good about time except the fact that it brings people together at the same...time. But even then, time makes people late and I hate that. Punctuality is a mastery of time. You own time if you are punctual. You should be the boss of time, don't let time control you...more than it already does. This idea of time tells me when to go to work, when to wake up, when to go to school... IT CONTROLS MY LIFE! And I don't even know what it is...

I vote for the abolishment of time. Who's with me?

Currently listening to: "Shipbuilding" - Elvis Costello

To know how I feel

2005-02-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

If only you knew how I felt...

Is it possible to cry out of happiness and sadness at the same time?

I find myself more sad than ever today...but I know it's only a matter of time...only waiting for the moment when I can begin my forever...the moment when I can be happy again.

I love you...

Any Given Sunday

2005-01-31T13:08:00.000-07:00

Any given Sunday finds me as depressed as ever but this time is wasn't even close...

I've never had a happier Sunday...

Currently Listening to: "Crossroads" - Bone Thugs N Harmony

Alone

2005-01-30T01:37:00.000-07:00

Here I am, alone again on a saturday night...what did I do wrong this time? Am I doomed to be alone for endless Saturdays? Will this Saturday never turn into Sunday...wait, that's already happened. So it's Sunday...you know how I feel about Sundays...I'm alone on a Sunday morning...I'm not really feeling so great right now...I may have just done something...

I can't comprehend the gravity of all this...what it will pull into it. How strong am I?

Sometimes when you sit alone, you think too much. This seems to happen to me a lot. I sit and think, and I get scared. I think about my life, my future...

There's nobody here to tell me it's ok. Nobody to hold my hand. I'm all alone. I've never felt so alone as the times when I am truly alone. Everybody is gone, I'm sitting in the dark. Why does it have to be this way? I spend so much time on being with...that without is drastic...dramatic...I'm unconsolable...as if there were somebody who would console me at this hour.

Alone, alone, alone. Maybe I'll get used to this...or maybe I'll just go to bed. When I wake up, I know I'll be ok. Even the sun will be there to keep me company, but I can't bring myself to sleep after this. I can't bring myself to put this lonely post on the shelf. Push the button. Push post and go to bed...I can't. I can't see past this keyboard, I know this is getting much too long. Too long to keep your attention, but maybe this whole thing has shifted. Shifted to my needs instead of yours. I used to spend so much time giving my talent away. Now I seem to concentrate it on myself. Selfish? Maybe so, but I feel a little better every time...a little divot is back in my skin, a little self respect is replaced. I have no idea where I go at night, and neither do you. I can't swim in this ocean of apathy that I have been creating...I'm drowning myself. How could I do this?

I need you...

See through walls that aren't really there

2005-01-28T09:02:00.000-07:00

I'm Crazy...I think...maybe...probably...wait

Do I ever make sense lately? Does he mean what he says that he meant to say without confusing millions of readers daily? Does that sentence mean anything...does it make any sense at all...do I even have millions of readers? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO YES NO.

Sometimes I'm just disoriented...don't know what to think,,,,don't know which button to push. Wrong one...forgive me? I know you will, forgiveness is reading tomorrow when I have more nonsense to post...will no one avenge me when I'm dead, will no one fight for me when I'm paralyzed...god knows I'd do it myself it I weren't so...dizzy...

I'm spinning...or is that the room. This isn't really normal...or normally abnormal for me anyway. I feel that way all the time but not this way...this time is different. WOW, I never really realized how many times that I didn't realize how much I don't make ANY sense at all. Will he ever stop saying that? Have confidence in yourself man! Sometimes I just don't know what to think...There's this big...thing...in the road, and their's no detours...I guess I'll just have to wait. Sorry if this was incomprehensable...It was good for me....Thanks for reading this far...if you did.

Currently Listening to: "Sickalicious" - Fabolous feat Missy Elliot

Act Like You Know

2005-01-26T10:27:00.000-07:00

I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW!!! Do you ever get so hungry that you can't think of anything else besides eating something...and the something doesn't really have to be anything special...just edible. I am so crazy though because sometimes hunger doesn't affect me quite so harshly...in fact, sometimes I forget to eat dinner...FORGET, DID YOU HEAR ME? I FOR-GET TO EAT! Incredible notion...

I am so hungry I can hardly type, yet I forget to eat dinner sometimes...

Why am I telling you all this? Probably because I'm delerious from lack of nutrition...or I'm just my normal crazy self...whatever the cause, you get this hungry rant and babble about food...I don't care though...I will later, but right now I don't care what you think of this post because all I can think about is FOOD!

Music from the commute: "One More Minute" - Authority Zero

Forever...

2005-01-25T13:54:00.000-07:00

What does forever mean? When you start something that will last forever, it will outlast you, you cannot start something that will end because forever isn't present at the end, there is no finish, you cannot complete it...there is no limit, no time, no clock...one day less than forever isn't even close to forever, forever is an idea that no one will ever complete and those who don't, are successful in their forever...but they are never done...forever isn't something you can accomplish...I can spend all my time, but never give it away more than once...forever...

Currently Listening to: "Forever" - Ben Harper

A vision in the mist

2005-01-24T07:55:00.000-07:00

I had a vision this morning and I thought I'd share it:

This morning, while driving to work, I looked out the side of my vehicle and saw an incredible vision...some might say ordinary: Two birds flying side by side, swooping in and seemingly performing choreographed acrobatics in the air. The amazing thing about these two birds (because, usually, I could care less about some stupid birds flyin ron in front of my car) was that one was snow white, the other was blacker than black. It was an amazing contrast and I somehow felt astonished that I had the privilege to view this anomaly. At least I thought it was cool, I've never seen anything like this. You might be saying to yourself "What is he talking about, two birds, different colors, big deal!" Well, you may not think it was a big deal, but if you had seen it, maybe you would think differently...or maybe not, maybe it was just me, but I started thinking more about before I got to work and I realized that it could have been a sign...I've no idea what it may have meant, or why I saw it but I just thought I'd share it in case anybody has an idea of the meaning...or absence of meaning...

To shave, or not to shave?

2005-01-23T20:57:00.000-07:00

SHAVE IT! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF JOSE, SHAVE!

This pubic service announcement brought to you, in part, by Brett Moore in association with DbSO Lavatories.

Death of Blog?

2005-01-23T01:15:00.000-07:00

My sweet, sweet blogsphere is going down the drain before my eyes...everything is crumbling away...nobody updates anymore...I guess everything that is built has to fall sometime.

I just never thought it would die so soon.

So many changes in this life that I didn't know could happen. The life that is here is packed full of events and changes...events and changes, events and changes, events and changes - Everything happens, then it changes...the things that are forever are special...

Forever doesn't have to be perfect, only what you want, what you need, what you cannot live without: Love. I can't promise perfection where there is life...life is not perfect, I cannot be perfect as much as I want to be. I wish I was the perfect person...PP if you know what party I'm talking about. Not many people can relate to me except all those people who can...I know I don't always make so much sense as some whom you can understand very easily but I know you know now that I am not perfect...I'm just a man.

Bon Jovi told me to keep the faith
Green Day told me nice guys finish last
SemiSonic told me it was closing time...

I take all this truth to heart and keep the faith, and even though I finish last, I'm still a nice guy. And now I have to wrap it cuz It's closing time...

Currently Listening to: "The Documentary" - The Game

I've never felt like this before...

2005-01-20T19:07:00.000-07:00

How many times have you felt like this? How many times have you asked yourself how many times you've felt like this only to feel like that again sometime later and realize that the time before wasn't real? How many stupid questions can I ask about love? How many times can I ask "How many times..."

Ok this is getting retarded...

Where am I, I can't decide who
Decide: Who I am and what I do
Even though these are facts I know
I can't find anything to say to open up
make her understand how I feel
make her know this is real
I can't rhyme every time
but when I don't try it works just fine
this works with words AND life
just like it was was meant to be
and there I go again
messing up the rotation
hoping for some flotation
so I don't drown in my tears again
and get left behind again...

Full Effect!

2005-01-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

Well, now that school is back in full swing...I'm back in PROCRASTINATION MODE!!! I kinda thought it would take longer for this to happen but...it didn't. I was thinking about how much I dislike school today and I realized that it was SCHOOL that never liked me. OK, that makes all this easier...school don't like me, I don't care. I'll go to it just to SPITE it! OH yea...wait..

OK so, remember when teachers would give you big ass projects with not really much to do with the class just so you would have to work really hard...it was cuz school never liked you...ain't that some poo! Remember when you had to dance in PE class before you liked dancing? School didn't like you... Remember when you didn't want to eat that Thursday surpirse in the lunchroom, but they MADE YOU? SCHOOL DIDN'T LIKE YOU THEN, AND IT DON'T LIKE YOU NOW. If you come to terms with this fact, (yes, it's a fact) your school experience will be better! Not really, I'm totally lying, it will suck JUST AS MUCH...but you will have something to blame it on. It's not my fault I hate school, it hated me first!

Currently Listening to: "Sunrise" - Gurilla Black

Life in the Fast Lane

2005-01-12T08:11:00.000-07:00

To know me is to rush by in a flash
The view I have is too blurry to focus
It's not me, it's the speed of adventure
Not my adventure of course, I'm stuck watching theirs

They rush by and don't even notice
The watchers are few, but we all feel the same
We still aren't connected by our common feelings
We sit alone and watch them pass us by

I'm stuck here forever, looking out this window
At least that's what I think till somebody stops
They are no longer blurred and I notice thier face
It's her and she knows exactly what I need

I never thought I would escape this concrete recliner
And as I speed up, I vow never to forget
So as I rush by everything in my world
I still lookout for the watchers, watching me

2005-01-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

"Always" - Bon Jovi

This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up
It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up

I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I wish I was him
With these words of mine
To say to you till the end of time

That I will love you baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Always,Always

Life Rolls On

2005-01-05T13:08:00.000-07:00

These days, it seems like life is going too fast...I don't have time to do the things I want...but that's always been a compliant. Fun times are too short. The Christmas break has passed me by. It's not that I didn't have fun, just that I want to have more of it. Isn't that really what we all want. Just to have fun. I don't want to stress over tests or miss life because of homework...but it's enevitable, it's going to happen. I know it will happen when we go back to school. Why do we have to be so DAMN smart to be successful in this world. Stupid questions that I already know the answer to don't help me get over this feeling. They do help people think though. Think about what you really want in life. I have no idea what's going to happen to me in the next year, but I know it will be interesting, and I know it will help me find what I want. I know that whatever happens, I will have my goals. I am starting to see the picture in front of me. It's clearing up everyday. Pretty soon I will have to make a choice, as we all will, to accept what is in front of me, or demand something different. I am in control of what happens to me, I control my destiny and realizing this fact has changed my outlook completely. I am ready for whatever comes at me. I am ready.

Music from the commute: "Just Kill a Man" - Cypress Hill

The space between life and death...

2005-01-03T08:14:00.000-07:00

So people decided to post again huh? OK, I will resume my posting as well. I just figured that if nobody was posting, nobody was reading mine...so I stopped too. But I have a fresh fix for you:

I woke up this morning for work at the ungodly hour of 6:00 am and I realized that there was nothing I wanted to do more than go back to sleep. I wasn't comforted by the fact that my alarm woke me up at a GREAT moment in my dream... Anyway, I felt like I would give up my job, my life, oh yes, and even my blog - just to go back to sleep. This feeling is familiar to all of us, some more than others...I personally, only acheived this feeling for a couple of agonizing minutes. One Brett in my head said: "go back to sleep, you don't need that stupid job" The other one yelled in my ear: "GET UP, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD EVEN THINK ABOUT LISTENING TO HIM, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A BED TO SLEEP IN IF IT WASN'T FOR THIS JOB!"

At this last comment, I was thinking to myself how much I sound like my parents, but by this time I was over the first stage of "the feeling"

I finally realized that it MIGHT be important to get up and go to work. I was 10 minutes late, can you believe it? The point is: There is no point, just don't sleep through work!

More to come - a LOT has happened since last post...

I call it: "The Switch"

2004-12-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things will just switch on you

You never really know when this will happen...sometimes it will TOTALLY surprise you. The switch can be good, or bad, or maybe it switched twice. First it was good, then bad, then back to good again! Or maybe the other way.

I'm not talking about anything specific, this happens with all kinds of things in life. Other people have different ways of explaining it but I call it: "The switch" Something in your life just "switches" It's almost as if you wanted it (or didn't) but you almost never expect it. Something will just switch on you. Straight out of left field. I always liked the Switch. I'm a sucker for surprises. Some people hate them. You know these people. They're the ones that are always crying on you shoulder about how something happened to "ruin their lives" Of course they don't refer to it as the Switch, because they're not me. Don't get me wrong, I've cried on many a shoulder...just not about...well maybe I'm wrong, maybe I have in the past, but I feel that I've learned to appreciate the Switch. To me, it's life's little way of mixing things up, killing redundancy, keeping it interesting. Some Switches may be uncomfortable or even horrible, but then again, there's always a chance for another Switch.

6 years

2004-12-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

I haven't felt this in just about 6 years
Not since...
not that It's the same...just different.

"The same but different" makes no sense, but this makes all the sense in the world
All the while making ABSOLUTELY no sense at all.

I am crazy, no maybe's about it.

they're all here...

2004-12-23T01:32:00.000-07:00

they're all here, but it's not about that
it's about the fact that it's not about me
not about us
it's all about them...
I'm not really included in that
Except when the drama hits
like a ton of bricks
but thats really overused

something just happend to change my mind...switch my mind
not really switch...maybe solidify is the word I'm looking for here
I'm really not in the state to be doing this...I'm in...In...you know what comes next...
but you're unsure. You don't want to guess
because maybe you're wrong...but you know you're right.

Somethings just surprise you...some surprise you twice...I can't really expect what I wanted to expect but...things change...people change...I don't want this to...I don't want to say...especially on here...

I don't want this to...

I need to stop before I say something I'll regret...I am real...this is for you, you know who you are...

She says it doesn't bother her...but I think it's more...or less than she says. I think it's something more than nothing...but for me it's nothing...not like there was nothing

With the Wind In My Face

2004-12-21T21:58:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I'm waiting
the whole time for a call that may never come
but it came and it was all that I expected
but then it wasn't anymore than nothing
there was a flicker of something
then more of nothing
I don't really know where I am
I don't want to ask for directions
I know it's not because I'm a man
I just asked too many times already
Information came from an old map
that was out of date but curiously still correct
and now I'm really lost, I don't know my next step
how many times have I felt this way?
how many times have I asked myself how many times I've felt this way?
how many times have I written about how many times I asked myself how many times I've felt this way?
It's all the same
but this time it's different
What I really need is what I cannot have
and what I have is hunger for more
I'm stuck in this redundancy
making up words and writing forever
I can't make a good enough plan
to change my course or the weather

I CAN'T REMEMBER!

2004-12-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

HMMM, Interesting...

2004-12-20T08:08:00.000-07:00

Everybody should check out this site: Littleredridinghood
ZaRa has some very interesting things to say on just about every topic. I'm still enjoying it, so can you.

Sorry Bout that...

2004-12-19T21:46:00.000-07:00

Everybody...I'm sorry for not posting in...like...3 days. My browser was really messed up for a while, and I still don't know what the problem was. I just did a system restore to a couple days ago and it seemed to fix the problem. I love system restore. Anyway...a LOT has happened in these past couple of days, most of which I don't remember. Most people are back in town, I'm looking forward to hanging out with all of them.

I just had Christmas with my Mom. I FINALLY got a digital camera so I can take pics of me...and other stuff. Here are some practice pics of...me.

Also, I have some interesting news to tell everybody. The other day when I was driving...

Currently Listening to: "You're the One" - Gurilla Black feat Mario Williams

Just don't give a poo!

2004-12-16T09:24:00.000-07:00

Do you see the concern in my eye?

Sometimes there is stuff you should care about, but just don't. There are different ways we all deal with these situations. This little guy above is pretty blunt, but some of us may be a little more discreet. I just noticed that sometimes I don't seem as caring or as concerned with humanity as I would like to be perceived as...because I'm just not. At that particular moment. I don't really know why this happens but it makes me seem like an jerk. Like Amy's Question about cancer/million dollars...I answered honestly. But does that make me a bad person because at this particular moment in my life, I am more concerned with money than helping my fellow man? Or should I try to fit the image and follow everybody else and say "Peace on earth, love and kindness, cure for cancer?" I wonder what would happen if all those Miss America girls were really honest in their goals. Maybe none of them would win...maybe they would be more concerned with themselves than the rest of the world, maybe they just want to win to say they won...or get the little crown, or whatever reason. I know those girls don't want to be Miss America because they're on a mission for world peace. Anyway, I just want to say that maybe I'm not a horrible person because I don't want to cure cancer unless it's gonna make me some millions. Maybe I'm just a normal kid who gives no poos about humanity...that, or maybe...just maybe, I'm different. Maybe everybody really does care and I don't. Maybe I am evil and corrupt...

...Or maybe I'm just crazy.

Music from the Commute: "Jump Around" - House of Pain

"Turn Yourself Around..."

2004-12-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

Change is inevitable. I like Amy's post about changes...I have something to add. My two cents. Or three cents. Or ten...I don't know. I think that we've all changed a little, some of us have changed a lot. I can't really say how much I've changed since graduation, since August, since last week, because I am me. I can't see myself like everybody can see me.. I can only assume that I am different than I was, because I see everybody else change in front of my eyes. I can only assume I am changing with them.

I think this is the most excited I have ever been about Christmas. Maybe I was more excited when I was like 5, but not for the same reasons. I don't really know why I am looking forward to the holidays so much this year. I think I feel detached. I feel disconnected from my family and tradition. I just want that again, that's why I want to be with my whole family on Christmas. I miss the feeling. I love being on my own, but I lack the feeling...you know what I'm talking about. I can only take so much time with my family (immediate and extended) but I can't wait to spend Christmas eve with them. Weird Huh? Anyway, the point of all this is to show that I feel like I have changed A LOT. I even look back at my first posts and see how..."then" I was. Stuck in the moment. Just like I am now...different moment. If you've been blogging for a while, take a look back at your first week's posts. It's a trip, let me tell you. If you haven't (or don't blog at all), look at my first month's posts in the archive. You can definitely see the difference from then until now. Anyway, I suppose everybody has this feeling one time or another...maybe more than once.

Maybe some of you can tell me how I am different than I was in...say...August.

Music from the Commute: "It's Raining Men" - Weather Girls

I have obtained the wound of the blue collar world...papercut

2004-12-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

I'm delerious at work, I have a fork in my mouth, It's not stuck in my mouth, just still there from when I was using it to eat food. What food you ask? Macaroni and Cheese (the easy kind). That's what I always have at work. Easy Mac at work, Ramen when I get home, Easy Mac at work, Ramen when I get home. "NASAmanager'sofficethisisBrett"

sorry, I had to answer the phone...you know how it goes. Anyway I just wanted to ask how a triangle could beat anything? I mean, If you got in a fight with a triangle...how would the triange beat you. Maybe triangle man could beat particle man, but triangle man cannot beat person man or human man or whateverthehell. Anyway, the fork is still in my mouth, I am still seeing things out of the corner of my eye and I still think I'm delerious...for some reason...Bats. Well I know this wasn't a substantial post....really there was nothing said here...or there...or anywhere for that matter, maybe a staple is in order. I realized that I love this life...I love it and I hate it. The office life I mean. I love flourescent lighting and staples and shredders and copiers and computers and networking and extensions....I don't know why but I love it. I hate it, but I love it more....like a moth. You know what I'm saying but I don't really know...I know you know. I was looking back at you to see you looking back at you to see me looking back at you. Remember that song? I do but not for long...the lyrics are wrong, unless they're right, in which case I'm alright...I think I'm alright...once again.

Or maybe I'm just crazy.

I'm 2 dope, and it aint no thang!

2004-12-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

Mezcal - Tequila made from an assortment of species of the agave plant. Sometimes with a worm in the bottle.

Also, I think this quote from Skee-Lo is in order...I always could relate to this verse.

"I wish I had a brand-new car
So far, I got this hatchback
And everywhere I go, yo I gets laughed at
And when I'm in my car I'm laid back
I got an 8-track and a spare tire in the backseat
But that's flat
And do you really wanna know what's really whack
See I can't even get a date
So, what do you think of that?"

Skee-Lo

Currently Listening to: My head explode...

All gon die...

2004-12-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

You ever have somebody treat you like dirt...less than dirt? Have you ever had someone treat you like you are nothing...less than nothing? You know what I mean, when you feel this rage inside of you, like your lungs just caught on fire. The animal instinct comes out and you wanna tear them apart. You wanna show them that you are capable of something: Destruction of Life...thiers. You ever feel this way? You feel like your fists are now made of concrete...iron...indestructable self image. You can now punch through their skull. You can now rip their limbs off. They think you are nothing but once you pull your peice...they are nothing. They are in your hands...you feel like you are capable of murder. Forget about the law. Ain't nothin stoppin you. You wanna show them that they can't treat you like that. Sudden urges to see them bleed. I need to see his blood...NOW! You see yourself on the 5 o'clock news, driving away from the sirens...the lights...you made him believe that there was a god. You made him pray. You made him repent. He asked you to spare him. Now who has the power? Who is holding the life now? WHO IS NOTHING NOW? WHO IS LESS THAN DIRT NOW? YOU'RE THE ONE ON THE GROUND, SHAKING, CRYIN, AND PRAYING. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HAS A BARREL TO LICK, BULLETS TO TASTE. YOU ARE THE WEAK. I AM ALL POWERFUL! You will never forget me as long as your memory lasts...which is about 2 minutes from the look of this pistol!

Does anybody feel like this? Sometimes I do. Then I count to ten....woosaw....woosaw...walk away.

Currently Listening to "Thug Love" - Bone Thugs N Harmony feat. 2 Pac

Lights Out!

2004-12-09T21:32:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it be great if everything was glow in the dark?

Lil Crickets

2004-12-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

I noticed the other day when looking in the mirror, that I had two little guys on my shoulders. I didn't think anything of it because they weren't really doing anything threatening. Then a situation came up where I had to make a decision with moral implications...These little dudes started fighting and arguing like nothing else. The result was me having a conversation with...myself. Have you ever done that. Had a conversation with yourself? It's really like two different people inside your head. One justifies your bad behavior and the other tries to impress morals onto your decision. I can't believe this fact. One cannot, no matter how hard one tries, get along with one's self. Why is this? How are we expected to interact and agree with other people if we can't even get along with ourselves? Sometimes I wish these "people" inside me could be separated into some kind of clone. One would be all one way and the other would be all the other way. I always thought a clone would be perfect. You would never really disagree with your clone...or so I thought, until I saw this scenario in my head. If you were to clone yourself, what would stop you from totally disagreeing or even fighting, physically, with "yourself" If you can't agree with yourself as one person, how would another "you" affect your life? In the movies, the clone always agrees to go to school for you and take all your tests and do your chores, while you (the original you) go off and do fun stuff. But if the real you wanted to do the fun stuff, what would stop your clone from wanting to do the same stuff? It has the same urges as you, the same wants, the same desires...it IS YOU! What's to stop this other "you" from trying to make you you do the boring stuff, and if this altercation was to actually happen, what's to stop you from trying to take you out. The only reason you don't do this now is because, to kill the other you, you would have to kill you too, which would defeat the purpose of killing yourself in the first place, because the only way you could benefit from this action is if you were separated...which brings me back to the clone thing. If there was a clone of you, you would probably kill it in like 2 days.

And that's that.

Currently listening to: Nothing (But on the way to work, I listened to "Free Bird" - Lynyrd Skynyrd)

Is this Sunday?

2004-12-05T19:26:00.000-07:00

For some reason, this doesn't feel like Sunday. Sundays for me are depressing...remember? So today I feel...great. Did I just hear myself say think that. Did I just say that? Did I actually write that? Sunday's DO NOT suck once again...

Where am I that today did not suck? I know where I was. I was here where I am now...or where I was...but I'm still here in my happy place. Did I just say Happy Place? Wow...like I'm in a support group or something: "go to your happy place" But it's not like that though. I'm just happy you know, I'm also in a place...Happy Place. Whatever, forget about the happy place. It doesn't matter. What matters is memories. How do people forget what has happened? How can you not remember this today and tomorrow...wow. I think I'm crackin up...I'm not really making any sense at all...I guess I don't expect you to understand...just SSDD. Holla.

Currently listening to: "I get High" - Styles P

Drunken Posting Lives on

2004-12-04T09:56:00.000-07:00

Let's all thank Laura for the post that started it all. I don't know if you remember Dick, but I took his link off my site because he stopped posting on his...but it's still there and I want everybody to see his new post. Check this out..."Little Dick's Night Out"

Another Noob...

2004-12-03T09:45:00.000-07:00

I told you this was gonna happen. Ha! It just never stops, no quittin, no breaks, but we don't need one, we always fiendin for more...well, here's more for your blog-atite:

Never Mind the Bollocks (This link prolly won't work, check the sidebar)

PB and J's new site. Check it out...si quieres.

When stranded at work...

2004-12-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

I noticed these things about myself when I am at work:

I flush the toilets here but not other public bathrooms. I use my shoe to flush because I still don't like to touch the handle. I always think about not flushing it, but rationalize with this phrase "It's NASA, you have to flush" I also use the same stall everytime.
I drive way faster on site because I know there are no cops. When I drive the government vehicle, usually the Excursion, I turn up the bass really high and listen to this tape that is always in there (Talking Heads). Every time I get in this vehicle, I think about stealing the tape, but I know that would be wrong...and I would get caught probably. I think I'll buy that CD.
I know this guy named Chuck. Whenever anybody passes anybody in the hall onsite, they say "Hi" or "Howyadoin" or "Whatsgoinon" When I see Chuck, I like to say "What's up Chuck" He doesn't like that too much but I think its really funny...Up Chuck...HA!
I try not to look at the clock at all. I think it makes the time go faster if you don't look. I'm not looking right now. I have a little peice of paper taped to my computer screen where my clock is so I can't look at it. I don't look at the wall clock either. Most of the time, I don't know what time it is...scary.
I answer the phone like this "NASAmanager'sofficethisisBrett" Even if I know the person calling is my mom...or Crazy Eric. Sometimes I accidentally answer my cell phone like that too.
I wouldn't like to seem arrogant but...I have impeccable parking skills.

Currently Listening to: "Elevator Music" - I DON'T KNOW!!

2004-12-01T15:36:00.000-07:00

"Damn, I'm lookin good!"
-Duke Nukem

I'm so proud...

2004-11-30T18:50:00.000-07:00

Blogger, I salute you!

I was just looking back at all my old posts, as I do from time to time, and thinking about how boring life was before blogger. I remember not knowing how to express how I felt. I used to write in this notebook. It was so...primitive. Blogger changed my life. I know that sounds all infomercial and everything but just think about how things would be if we couldn't just look at eachother's sites and know...It's somehow a better way of keeping in touch. It's like calling everybody at once and telling them what happened to you. I know I sound all soft but I can remember a time when I didn't have blogger. I remember when I found out about it too. I saw "How Blogs Work" on How Stuff Works. I was immediately hooked. I started my blog as soon as I could. At the time, I could only blog from work. I had just moved out of my house and I didn't have internet at my house for about 2 months. So for those two months, I tried to think of things to post, then recall them when I got to work. I was always trying to find interesting things to say...until I realized that a blog is whatever you are. You can post about anything and nothing and it's the same as promoting your favorite site or linking to somewhere... Sean saw my site and started one soon after. Welcome to the Jungle was born. We tried to post all the time, and about our favorite stuff. I remember posting a lot about Grand Theft Auto. Sean Posted about Halo. We were young bloggers, we didn't know what we were doing. Not that we do now, but I like to think that after 6 months, we are seasoned enough to keep readers interested. That's why you won't see too many posts as long as this one. This however, is important. History (I like to think). I can't remember what came next...probably Dust's site, full of Misha Pics. Carmen Electra came into the Jungle some time before that though. A while later, Dick, Lola, and Ashleigh joined the blogsphere. The only one still here is Lola's, I'm Special. Sometime in between here I discovered Distracted By Shiny Objects and took inspiration from Steimer to open up a whole new way to blog: Humor. After this, the bloggers flooded in. I couldn't keep up with the promos. Crazy Eric wanted in, so F**ker Head was born. Sometime after, Laura started The D Files and let us in on the happenings at Dartmouth. By this time, the storm of Bloggers was creating a community and comment frenzy. Back and fourth as we do today were comments and conversations. New ideas were all over the place, one of which was a multi-authored venture by Sean and I with F**ker Head. Since Eric's posts were few and far between, we decided to take on the challenge of expressing our anger for all to read. This same idea led to The Same Blog. Dustin and Dick felt that everybody could contribute to one blog and it would be great...so we did it. The blog craziness continues with anonymous commenters and controversy on Starry Night (Abby's Site), and Questions of the Day on InsertCatchyTitleHere (Amy's Site)...And don't think I forgot to mention the newest member of the Blogsphere: Big Jake with Big Jake's Spirit of the Wild. With all these blogs out there now, I feel pressured to write great posts every day...but I wouldn't have it any other way. I could never feel out of the loop with this community we have created together, and I'm sure all the other members feel the same way. All of this is not to say that we are the only blog-mmunity out there. There are millions of blog-webs out there, but ours is pretty damn cool and I'm sure it will keep growing...

Currently listening to: "Hail Mary" - Tupac (Makaveli)

Anonymous

2004-11-29T08:35:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to let you know that I did, in fact, see the comments on my "Blind Rage" and "God Bless America" posts. I don't know why some people have that much hostility toward me...I get angry sometimes but usually it's not directed at one person. I know why some people may not be happy with me right now, but that doesn't constitute comments like that, especially on a site like The Vision. I try to keep this site PG-13 for our younger readers and those who don't appreciate vulgarity and crude speech. I slip every once in a while but I think it works quite well considering my other two sites that I share with bloggers. These other sites contain vulgar language and content but I try to keep this one as clean as possible. Sean, I think, does the same with his. We just started this way and we try to keep it this way. If you do have a problem with me that must be discussed in terms such as those (which is perfectly fine) I would appreciate it if you would take it someplace where I am free to defend myself in those same terms. F**kerHead or The Same Blog would suit this kind of confrontation just fine. Thank You.

Excellent Break

2004-11-28T21:47:00.000-07:00

This weekend was great and not great at the same time
Sometimes nothing works out the way you planned, which sucks, but the way it works out is great...get what I'm saying? Of course you do, this has happened to you before. It has happened to everbody at least once...I wish the Thanksgiving break wasn't over but I can say, overall, it was really REALLY good (except for some REALLY bad moments). I need to go to bed, I was up till like 4 last night (I didn't check the clock, I just saw my posts at like 3:45 am and...well you know. I'm still not gonna count the hours...psychological stuff. Anyway, hope everybody's break was as good as mine. More posting tomorrow! (and no more drunk ones for a while)

Self Confidence Meter: (1-10) 5

Currently listening to: "Tall Trees" - Crowded House

Wild on...Jake?

2004-11-27T10:11:00.000-07:00

Jake's Spirit of the Wild is now open for business. Check it out if you have a chance...well, check it out if you don't have a chance. It's heavy on...well you know if you looked at Sean's site.

Self confidence meter (1-10) 2

Currently Listening to: "It's a wild world" (Cover) - Tesla

2004-11-26T05:18:00.000-07:00

I know you know (know)
When you hear that crazy echo (echo)
You know who it is (is)
Who's runnin this biz (biz)
Who on top of things (things)
Who got the drop on things (things)
I aint Santa but I got a list (list)
I'm breakin down doors wit my iron fist (fist)
I'm like crazy eric, punchin holes in shit (shit)
But my purpose isn't evil, not even a little bit (bit)
I try to do good with my crazy echo (echo)
But sometimes I get caught up, I gotta blow (blow)
And thats when you'll hear me comin down the skreet (skreet)
I'm the craziest echo you'll ever meet (meet)

Out

2004-11-25T20:24:00.000-07:00

I'm sick and tired in more ways than one. I can't think...Skrait. I can't see. I don't know who it is! But I have an idea...I'm not making sense. That's OK cause you know what I mean...right?

Currently listening to: "Get Naked" - Methods of Mayhem

I Died Today

2004-11-24T09:37:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I have visions in my dreams, so here is the first of what may become many "Brett's Dreams" posts:

I died today and nobody noticed.
I died and they didn't say a thing.
I guess they did notice, they were shocked.
Nobody cried though.
Not at first.
Then the tears came.
Not from my brothers.
They rode that night.
To find he who was responsible
and deal.
They dont ride usually
but they rode for me
to avenvge what had occured
There were tears by her
and her
and her, and her friend
and her too.
Most didn't believe it
but down the road
they still "poured out a little liquor" at the parties
they hung up my shirt
"Bartender" forever on the wall
nobody could put it on
but all I needed was their tears
and I was satisfied
if they didn't care...I couldn't go on
what was my life, if nobody noticed my absence?
But they rode, and they cried, and they hung up my shirt.
So now...I'm ok.

Currently Listening to: "Still Loving You" - The Scorpions