9/20/2004
Mini Crisis
I think I'm having a mini-life crisis. One of those ones where you don't know where you're going or what you're doing with life. Why am I here? What's my purpose? What's my motivation? What do I have to look forward to? Life is redundant. The rut keeps getting bigger. I'm not posta feel like this now, especially not right after starting college and moving out and everything. I just can't find my drive. I must have lost it. Or it lost me. I can't find anything anymore. I'm lost in my own world. I don't know people I know...anymore. Who is it at my door? Nobody. Then who rang the doorbell. See how my mind does? Spiraling out of control. Worse and worse with every sentence. This is all in my mind. But some of it's real. The reason I couldn't sleep last night is real. Well, not anymore I guess. Sometimes I can't find myself even though I'm right here. I just spent half an hour staring at the wall and the whole time, I didn't want to do anything else. Now I'm wondering why I wasted my time...
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Why do our minds do that to us. the late nights, staring at the wall, thinking of as many things as possible. Most of which are pointless. I always make up to worst situations possible. thinking of things that i should do or could've done, one knowing that ill never get around to it, the other driving me crazy. but you know what? i take relief in the fact that i know that iam never going to know why iam here. Iam never going to find enlightenment and thats okay with me. i know this was no help at all to you, but i just related to it alot. youre not alone on this subject.
# commented by 
: 6:39 PM
: 6:39 PM 
Whenever I feel like this, I am comforted by the fact that everything happens for a reason. Everything always works out for the best, even if it doesn't seem like it at first. Don't ever lose faith in your purpose in life no matter what it is and always know that we grow and become stronger from our hardships.
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