1/31/2005
Any Given Sunday
Any given Sunday finds me as depressed as ever but this time is wasn't even close...
I've never had a happier Sunday...
Currently Listening to: "Crossroads" - Bone Thugs N Harmony
1/30/2005
Alone
Here I am, alone again on a saturday night...what did I do wrong this time? Am I doomed to be alone for endless Saturdays? Will this Saturday never turn into Sunday...wait, that's already happened. So it's Sunday...you know how I feel about Sundays...I'm alone on a Sunday morning...I'm not really feeling so great right now...I may have just done something...
I can't comprehend the gravity of all this...what it will pull into it. How strong am I?
Sometimes when you sit alone, you think too much. This seems to happen to me a lot. I sit and think, and I get scared. I think about my life, my future...
There's nobody here to tell me it's ok. Nobody to hold my hand. I'm all alone. I've never felt so alone as the times when I am truly alone. Everybody is gone, I'm sitting in the dark. Why does it have to be this way? I spend so much time on being with...that without is drastic...dramatic...I'm unconsolable...as if there were somebody who would console me at this hour.
Alone, alone, alone. Maybe I'll get used to this...or maybe I'll just go to bed. When I wake up, I know I'll be ok. Even the sun will be there to keep me company, but I can't bring myself to sleep after this. I can't bring myself to put this lonely post on the shelf. Push the button. Push post and go to bed...I can't. I can't see past this keyboard, I know this is getting much too long. Too long to keep your attention, but maybe this whole thing has shifted. Shifted to my needs instead of yours. I used to spend so much time giving my talent away. Now I seem to concentrate it on myself. Selfish? Maybe so, but I feel a little better every time...a little divot is back in my skin, a little self respect is replaced. I have no idea where I go at night, and neither do you. I can't swim in this ocean of apathy that I have been creating...I'm drowning myself. How could I do this?
I need you...
I can't comprehend the gravity of all this...what it will pull into it. How strong am I?
Sometimes when you sit alone, you think too much. This seems to happen to me a lot. I sit and think, and I get scared. I think about my life, my future...
There's nobody here to tell me it's ok. Nobody to hold my hand. I'm all alone. I've never felt so alone as the times when I am truly alone. Everybody is gone, I'm sitting in the dark. Why does it have to be this way? I spend so much time on being with...that without is drastic...dramatic...I'm unconsolable...as if there were somebody who would console me at this hour.
Alone, alone, alone. Maybe I'll get used to this...or maybe I'll just go to bed. When I wake up, I know I'll be ok. Even the sun will be there to keep me company, but I can't bring myself to sleep after this. I can't bring myself to put this lonely post on the shelf. Push the button. Push post and go to bed...I can't. I can't see past this keyboard, I know this is getting much too long. Too long to keep your attention, but maybe this whole thing has shifted. Shifted to my needs instead of yours. I used to spend so much time giving my talent away. Now I seem to concentrate it on myself. Selfish? Maybe so, but I feel a little better every time...a little divot is back in my skin, a little self respect is replaced. I have no idea where I go at night, and neither do you. I can't swim in this ocean of apathy that I have been creating...I'm drowning myself. How could I do this?
I need you...
1/28/2005
See through walls that aren't really there
I'm Crazy...I think...maybe...probably...wait
Do I ever make sense lately? Does he mean what he says that he meant to say without confusing millions of readers daily? Does that sentence mean anything...does it make any sense at all...do I even have millions of readers? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO YES NO.
Sometimes I'm just disoriented...don't know what to think,,,,don't know which button to push. Wrong one...forgive me? I know you will, forgiveness is reading tomorrow when I have more nonsense to post...will no one avenge me when I'm dead, will no one fight for me when I'm paralyzed...god knows I'd do it myself it I weren't so...dizzy...
I'm spinning...or is that the room. This isn't really normal...or normally abnormal for me anyway. I feel that way all the time but not this way...this time is different. WOW, I never really realized how many times that I didn't realize how much I don't make ANY sense at all. Will he ever stop saying that? Have confidence in yourself man! Sometimes I just don't know what to think...There's this big...thing...in the road, and their's no detours...I guess I'll just have to wait. Sorry if this was incomprehensable...It was good for me....Thanks for reading this far...if you did.
Currently Listening to: "Sickalicious" - Fabolous feat Missy Elliot
1/26/2005
Act Like You Know
I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW!!! Do you ever get so hungry that you can't think of anything else besides eating something...and the something doesn't really have to be anything special...just edible. I am so crazy though because sometimes hunger doesn't affect me quite so harshly...in fact, sometimes I forget to eat dinner...FORGET, DID YOU HEAR ME? I FOR-GET TO EAT! Incredible notion...
I am so hungry I can hardly type, yet I forget to eat dinner sometimes...
Why am I telling you all this? Probably because I'm delerious from lack of nutrition...or I'm just my normal crazy self...whatever the cause, you get this hungry rant and babble about food...I don't care though...I will later, but right now I don't care what you think of this post because all I can think about is FOOD!
Music from the commute: "One More Minute" - Authority Zero
I am so hungry I can hardly type, yet I forget to eat dinner sometimes...
Why am I telling you all this? Probably because I'm delerious from lack of nutrition...or I'm just my normal crazy self...whatever the cause, you get this hungry rant and babble about food...I don't care though...I will later, but right now I don't care what you think of this post because all I can think about is FOOD!
Music from the commute: "One More Minute" - Authority Zero
1/25/2005
Forever...
What does forever mean? When you start something that will last forever, it will outlast you, you cannot start something that will end because forever isn't present at the end, there is no finish, you cannot complete it...there is no limit, no time, no clock...one day less than forever isn't even close to forever, forever is an idea that no one will ever complete and those who don't, are successful in their forever...but they are never done...forever isn't something you can accomplish...I can spend all my time, but never give it away more than once...forever...
Currently Listening to: "Forever" - Ben Harper
Currently Listening to: "Forever" - Ben Harper
1/24/2005
A vision in the mist
I had a vision this morning and I thought I'd share it:
This morning, while driving to work, I looked out the side of my vehicle and saw an incredible vision...some might say ordinary: Two birds flying side by side, swooping in and seemingly performing choreographed acrobatics in the air. The amazing thing about these two birds (because, usually, I could care less about some stupid birds flyin ron in front of my car) was that one was snow white, the other was blacker than black. It was an amazing contrast and I somehow felt astonished that I had the privilege to view this anomaly. At least I thought it was cool, I've never seen anything like this. You might be saying to yourself "What is he talking about, two birds, different colors, big deal!" Well, you may not think it was a big deal, but if you had seen it, maybe you would think differently...or maybe not, maybe it was just me, but I started thinking more about before I got to work and I realized that it could have been a sign...I've no idea what it may have meant, or why I saw it but I just thought I'd share it in case anybody has an idea of the meaning...or absence of meaning...
1/23/2005
To shave, or not to shave?
SHAVE IT! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF JOSE, SHAVE!
This pubic service announcement brought to you, in part, by Brett Moore in association with DbSO Lavatories.
This pubic service announcement brought to you, in part, by Brett Moore in association with DbSO Lavatories.
Death of Blog?
My sweet, sweet blogsphere is going down the drain before my eyes...everything is crumbling away...nobody updates anymore...I guess everything that is built has to fall sometime.
I just never thought it would die so soon.
So many changes in this life that I didn't know could happen. The life that is here is packed full of events and changes...events and changes, events and changes, events and changes - Everything happens, then it changes...the things that are forever are special...
Forever doesn't have to be perfect, only what you want, what you need, what you cannot live without: Love. I can't promise perfection where there is life...life is not perfect, I cannot be perfect as much as I want to be. I wish I was the perfect person...PP if you know what party I'm talking about. Not many people can relate to me except all those people who can...I know I don't always make so much sense as some whom you can understand very easily but I know you know now that I am not perfect...I'm just a man.
Bon Jovi told me to keep the faith
Green Day told me nice guys finish last
SemiSonic told me it was closing time...
I take all this truth to heart and keep the faith, and even though I finish last, I'm still a nice guy. And now I have to wrap it cuz It's closing time...
Currently Listening to: "The Documentary" - The Game
1/20/2005
I've never felt like this before...
How many times have you felt like this? How many times have you asked yourself how many times you've felt like this only to feel like that again sometime later and realize that the time before wasn't real? How many stupid questions can I ask about love? How many times can I ask "How many times..."
Ok this is getting retarded...
Where am I, I can't decide who
Decide: Who I am and what I do
Even though these are facts I know
I can't find anything to say to open up
make her understand how I feel
make her know this is real
I can't rhyme every time
but when I don't try it works just fine
this works with words AND life
just like it was was meant to be
and there I go again
messing up the rotation
hoping for some flotation
so I don't drown in my tears again
and get left behind again...
Ok this is getting retarded...
Where am I, I can't decide who
Decide: Who I am and what I do
Even though these are facts I know
I can't find anything to say to open up
make her understand how I feel
make her know this is real
I can't rhyme every time
but when I don't try it works just fine
this works with words AND life
just like it was was meant to be
and there I go again
messing up the rotation
hoping for some flotation
so I don't drown in my tears again
and get left behind again...
1/18/2005
Full Effect!
Well, now that school is back in full swing...I'm back in PROCRASTINATION MODE!!! I kinda thought it would take longer for this to happen but...it didn't. I was thinking about how much I dislike school today and I realized that it was SCHOOL that never liked me. OK, that makes all this easier...school don't like me, I don't care. I'll go to it just to SPITE it! OH yea...wait..
OK so, remember when teachers would give you big ass projects with not really much to do with the class just so you would have to work really hard...it was cuz school never liked you...ain't that some poo! Remember when you had to dance in PE class before you liked dancing? School didn't like you... Remember when you didn't want to eat that Thursday surpirse in the lunchroom, but they MADE YOU? SCHOOL DIDN'T LIKE YOU THEN, AND IT DON'T LIKE YOU NOW. If you come to terms with this fact, (yes, it's a fact) your school experience will be better! Not really, I'm totally lying, it will suck JUST AS MUCH...but you will have something to blame it on. It's not my fault I hate school, it hated me first!
Currently Listening to: "Sunrise" - Gurilla Black
1/12/2005
Life in the Fast Lane
To know me is to rush by in a flash
The view I have is too blurry to focus
It's not me, it's the speed of adventure
Not my adventure of course, I'm stuck watching theirs
They rush by and don't even notice
The watchers are few, but we all feel the same
We still aren't connected by our common feelings
We sit alone and watch them pass us by
I'm stuck here forever, looking out this window
At least that's what I think till somebody stops
They are no longer blurred and I notice thier face
It's her and she knows exactly what I need
I never thought I would escape this concrete recliner
And as I speed up, I vow never to forget
So as I rush by everything in my world
I still lookout for the watchers, watching me
1/07/2005
"Always" - Bon Jovi
This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up
It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up
I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me
And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always
Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man
When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I wish I was him
With these words of mine
To say to you till the end of time
That I will love you baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you
Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines
And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always
Always,Always
1/05/2005
Life Rolls On
These days, it seems like life is going too fast...I don't have time to do the things I want...but that's always been a compliant. Fun times are too short. The Christmas break has passed me by. It's not that I didn't have fun, just that I want to have more of it. Isn't that really what we all want. Just to have fun. I don't want to stress over tests or miss life because of homework...but it's enevitable, it's going to happen. I know it will happen when we go back to school. Why do we have to be so DAMN smart to be successful in this world. Stupid questions that I already know the answer to don't help me get over this feeling. They do help people think though. Think about what you really want in life. I have no idea what's going to happen to me in the next year, but I know it will be interesting, and I know it will help me find what I want. I know that whatever happens, I will have my goals. I am starting to see the picture in front of me. It's clearing up everyday. Pretty soon I will have to make a choice, as we all will, to accept what is in front of me, or demand something different. I am in control of what happens to me, I control my destiny and realizing this fact has changed my outlook completely. I am ready for whatever comes at me. I am ready.
Music from the commute: "Just Kill a Man" - Cypress Hill
1/03/2005
The space between life and death...
So people decided to post again huh? OK, I will resume my posting as well. I just figured that if nobody was posting, nobody was reading mine...so I stopped too. But I have a fresh fix for you:
I woke up this morning for work at the ungodly hour of 6:00 am and I realized that there was nothing I wanted to do more than go back to sleep. I wasn't comforted by the fact that my alarm woke me up at a GREAT moment in my dream... Anyway, I felt like I would give up my job, my life, oh yes, and even my blog - just to go back to sleep. This feeling is familiar to all of us, some more than others...I personally, only acheived this feeling for a couple of agonizing minutes. One Brett in my head said: "go back to sleep, you don't need that stupid job" The other one yelled in my ear: "GET UP, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD EVEN THINK ABOUT LISTENING TO HIM, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A BED TO SLEEP IN IF IT WASN'T FOR THIS JOB!"
At this last comment, I was thinking to myself how much I sound like my parents, but by this time I was over the first stage of "the feeling"
I finally realized that it MIGHT be important to get up and go to work. I was 10 minutes late, can you believe it? The point is: There is no point, just don't sleep through work!
More to come - a LOT has happened since last post...
